


coming out of my cage

by norvina



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, F/M, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Marauders AU, Rey Palpatine, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Teacher-Student Relationship, like very slow burn, professor!kylo ren, reylo trash, werewolf!finn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:33:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23909266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norvina/pseuds/norvina
Summary: Pleasure and pain muddle together so violently, she feels ill. Someone calls her name, but she’s not sure who, because her entire world begins to fade.All she sees is him.All she feels is him.You’re the angry one, she thinks dumbly.Or, the one where Rey has a soul bond with her angry Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and trouble ensues. Hogwarts AU.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 129
Kudos: 349





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> This is my FIRST leap into the Reylo fandom and I really, truly hope I do it justice because I’ve read some truly phenomenal pieces over the last couple of weeks.
> 
> I thought this attempt would be lighthearted and a joy to read. 
> 
> Feedback greatly appreciated because I thrive off encouragement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just wanted to answer some possible questions. 
> 
> 1\. The Marauders originally included James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. This fic is loosely based around the same sense of friendship, barring a snitch (Peter). 
> 
> 2\. Rey was raised by her grandfather, Sheev Palpatine, after the death of her parents. She doesn’t hate him, exactly, she just doesn’t want to be around him all the time.
> 
> 3\. Rey currently lives in her parent’s old home, which was her mother’s childhood home in London.

If Rey Palpatine-Niima were in the habit of being fully honest with herself—which naturally, she isn’t—then she would make it known that she’s not too sold on the whole ‘being a witch’ thing. 

There’s a certain novelty, of course. Without magic, she wouldn’t know the utter beauty of slicing the skyline on her Starsweeper Supreme. And really, she’s _good_ at it. Her grades are tight and she’s got phenomenal prospects pending graduation. In theory, she doesn’t have anything to complain about, except that the high-society snideness, insufferable prejudice, and horribly tacky clothes make her feel like she can’t suck in a proper breath these days. 

Is she really meant to spend the rest of her long, mostly miserable, life feeling trapped? 

Plus, the muggles have a few things going for them in ways of manufactured magic. Her favorite invention is the _iPhone._ She doesn’t know of a spell that can summon Poison’s “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”, yet. That’s it. That’s her whole argument.

Well, that, and Starbucks, and skinny jeans, and let’s not forget, _Netflix_. 

As a pureblood, she’s wholly fascinated with the entirety of the muggle world, much to her grandfather’s general distaste. Fortunately, she’s a free agent now that she's moved into the old townhouse she inherited from her parents. She doesn’t have to subscribe to his ideals anymore, thank you very much.   
  
She’s free.

Well, almost free.

Rey spent the summer deep cleaning her new home and working as a waitress to keep the lights on. She won’t take another knut from her grandfather if she can help it.

More than anything, she just wants to be her _own_ person. She _needs_ to be her own person or things are going to continue to suck for the rest of her perfectly scheduled life.

Rey quietly hums the lyrics to The Killers’ “Mr. Brightside” as she walks through King’s Crossing. A frown has worked its way onto her lips. Most people would be thrilled to hop a magical train and head to a real-life castle for the majority of the year, but her stomach feels sour and she can’t swallow the bitter taste in her mouth. 

She fucking hates Hogwarts.

Not really, not at all. Rey _hates_ the students there, though. Maybe even some of the staff if Professor Hux still has his job. 

From the moment she was sorted into Gryffindor, her life has been slightly better than a living hell. For starters, Slytherin thinks she’s defective because she’s the first person in the Palpatine bloodline that hasn’t voluntarily slithered into the snakeden. Everyone else is terrified that she’s unstable because of her family’s ill reputation like she had anything to do with _that._

 _  
_Rey’s only social reprieve is the fact that she’s befriended a small group of misfits equally maladroit. Except for Poe Dameron. After he grew six inches between fifth and sixth year, the girls started excessively fawning over him.

It’s actually a tad annoying.

She’s so distracted by an onslaught of poor memories concerning her “coming-of-age” bullying, that she slams into a goddamn tree—or, at least, a very grumpy equivalent to a hulking redwood.

“Hey, watch where—” The man growls, audibly snapping his jaw shut when he takes a good look at her. A slew of unkind curses sit on the tip of her tongue as she prys her eyes away from the black fabric of his t-shirt and meets his eyes. 

Rey would know those dark brown eyes anywhere. _Anywhere_ , she swears it. She’s been seeing them in her dreams for as long as she can remember. Over and over, every single night for years.

“It’s _you,_ ” Her voice is embarrassingly breathy. Unfortunately, she never rehearsed what she would say if she ever met him. Truthfully, she thought he was a figment of her imagination. 

She doesn’t realize that he’s got a hold on her upper arms until he quickly releases them like he’s been burned.

A part of her wants to pout. It wasn’t meant to be like this.

The man blinks down at her, unseeing. No recognition, whatsoever. He just looks annoyed by her presence maybe even a bit bored.

Rey painfully swallows, _God, of course he doesn’t know you, idiot._

The more she looks at him, the more doubt sinks into her mind. Perhaps, she’s just been looking for the man haunting her dreams in every face, in every crowd, for so long that she’s finally cracked. 

Maybe all the kids at school are right about her.

Rey takes a fleeing step backward, a warm flush coloring her cheeks, “Uh, I’m sorry. I’m _not_ barking mad, I swear—er.”

He’s outright frowning now and she wants nothing more than to crawl into a deep hole and die. She’s used to people not liking her but this is just unusually cruel, even for the universe. 

“Rey!”

Poe Dameron’s voice cuts through the most awkward moment of her life and she’s never been more thankful for the egotistical, wonderful man that she considers her best friend. 

He’s waving her over towards the Starbucks, a playful smirk on his lips as he says something to their other friend.

Rey sighs in relief, returns her attention to the _stranger_ (because that’s exactly what he is), and mumbles, “Sorry, again, sir.”

Her friends are beaming when she finally joins them, the blush on her cheeks dying down. 

The world is so big, she’ll never have to relive that moment again. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. At least that’s what she tells herself.

The first thing Poe does is pull her into a suffocating bear hug, swinging her around until her feet rise from the ground. Rey can’t help but nuzzle her face into the soft cotton of his shirt. It just feels _so good_ against her cheek and he’s wearing a musky cologne.

_Mmm._

Poe casually pets her hair and she really does _purr_ for the briefest of moments before she remembers herself. She shoves him once her feet are firmly planted on the ground, “You’re not supposed to encourage my habits, Dameron!”

“Hey, you don’t stop me when I’m belting out show-tunes like a damn songbird,” Poe raises his hands in defense. He’s absolutely making a fair point, but Rey’s not going to admit that any time soon. 

Finn simply rolls his eyes at their usual bickering. She can’t help but search his limited exposed skin for new scars, or his face for the tell-tale under eye bruises. It’s been four days since his last transformation and the summer is always the hardest for him in the absence of his friends. 

Because Finn Storm is a werewolf. A genuine howl-at-the-full-moon, hairy, werewolf. Poe, Rey and their other friend, Rose, cracked his secret during third year after a dreary Defense lesson from Hux (who now teaches potions, which is infinitely worse). Obviously, they couldn’t just let him go through a thing like that _alone,_ hence their rather unusual, animalistic, behaviors. 

The correct term is animagi.

Poe transforms into a large black raven, which has prompted _many_ Edgar Allen Poe jokes. Rose shifts into a rather charming black German Shepherd and gets on swimmingly with Finn during his stints as an overgrown mutt. Rey, well, Rey’s form is a little unconventional compared to her friends.

She’s a panther. 

It’s only convenient when Professor Hux brews Finn’s potion incorrectly. They’ve all come to the conclusion that he flounders on _purpose,_ the evil, sadistic ginger git, he is…

“I’m fine,” Finn unconvincingly lies, pulling her in for a short hug. Rey doesn’t allow herself to relapse although he does smell quite nice for a dog. He releases her with furrowed brows, “Where are your things?”

_Ah, the ol’ trolley._

Unsurprisingly, being of legal wizarding age is a thrill she hasn’t been able to get over for the last eleven months. Rey pulls a necklace sporting a circular ball locket from underneath her faded AC/DC band tee. She beams, “I shrunk them!”

Poe snorts, “Showoff.”

She notes the absence of their luggage and Poe’s obese ginger cat, “Where are _yours_ , then?”

Poe dramatically rolls his eyes like it’s obvious, “Already packed into the train, I presume. _We—_ ” He motions back and forth between him and Finn with two fingers, “—actually got here on time.”

She skips over the usual argument where they all insist that she can’t be on time to save her life. 

“Where’s Rose?”

Finn’s face heats slightly and Rey vaguely wonders if Poe notices the change in their bashful friend. She’s not sure if it’s polite to point out when someone’s body temperature increases. It’s just something she notices because of her condition. 

Finn shyly explains, “Oh, uh, she’s still saying goodbye to her family. Don’t worry, she gave me her order.”

Rey drops the subject even though she has _many_ questions, “Then we should get to it, yes? Before the train leaves without us again.”

They all share a wince remembering _that one time._

Poe orders a flaming pink dragon drink and the barista, Brittani, looks like she’s going to pass out while Rey mentally contemplates the pros and cons of the added coconut milk in his drink. 

Truthfully, she’s a traditionalist when it comes to Starbucks. That’s right, she _exclusively_ orders the sweetest, meanest frappuccino on the menu and prays for the sweet, sweet rush like an eager little gremlin. Finn orders the same thing as her, a caramel ribbon crunch, and a vanilla bean frap for Rose. 

Rey notices that he pays with _his_ debit card. 

Brittani looks far more contained after they’re finished if not a bit contrite.

Finn and Rey watch the barista shake out spurts of caramel over a mountain of whipped cream. It’s borderline pornographic, at least to Rey, but she’s always been a slut for sugar. Finn frowns, just a little and she doesn’t have to be a legitimist to read his mind. Rey claps her hand on his back a few times, “I know, buddy, I know.”

Saying goodbye to all the joys of muggle cuisine and dining _always_ hurts a tad. 

Despite their best efforts, they’re almost late boarding the Hogwarts Express. Poe is cursing up a frenzy, frightening a few lagging first years with his outwardly crude language. He’s muttering, “Every fucking year. _Every fucking year we do this!_ ”

Rey quickly unshrinks her belongings and pushes them over to the nearest assistant with an apologetic smile. 

Once they’re on the train, Poe finally relaxes, “Another year.”

Finn’s melancholy is evident when he exhales, “Our last year.”

Her friends lead the way to their usual compartment. Rose is waiting for them, alarm etched into the angling of her brows, “I thought you lot were going to miss the train again!”

Rose’s concern immediately vanishes when Finn hands off the vanilla bean frap, “You’re a God, Finn Storm!”

Rey throws herself on the empty side of the compartment, always taking up more room than she necessarily needs because she wants to stretch her muscles. She scrutinizes Finn’s violent blush at Rose’s paise. _Something’_ s amiss amongst her friends. 

She turns to Poe to teasingly point it out but there’s a rare tick in his jaw. 

Oh.

_Oh._

For nearly seven years, they’ve been able to avoid the elephant in the room. Something tells her that’s all about to change. 

Did she mention she hates Hogwarts?

⚜️

The worst part about the first feast is that she can’t sit with Rose _or_ Finn because they’re bloody Hufflepuffs. Poe is unfortunately _always_ too busy turning down tenacious admirers between indulgent mouthfuls to facilitate the level of conversation that she desperately needs so she can block out all the stares. Because, yes, after all this time, they _still_ stare.

Except if she bothered to take a break from her subtle grooming, she’d realize she’s not the center of attention for once. 

She’s still smoothing out the creases in her grey pleated skirt as they settle down in their usual spots. Poe hums under his breath, “Hm, guess I owe you five galleons. The sorry bastard actually quit.”

Rey’s not paying proper attention, “What?”

“Wexley terminated, apparently,” Poe quietly tells her, not wanting to bring any unwanted attention their way. Rey’s still paying more attention to her uniform than she is to their conversation but she hears Wexley’s name and immediately rolls her eyes. The man was good fun, especially for a professor, but his teaching methods were subpar at best. Rey spent most of her time running back to Headmistress Organa for assistance so she could accurately cast defensive spells.

Poe continues, his elbow bumping in her arm, “There’s the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, and he looks like a hardass if I’ve ever seen one.”

Rey curiously looks at the long table in the front of the room and immediately freezes. The man from the train station is staring directly at her, eyes practically gleaming with unshed fury. They’re so dark.

And beautiful. Merlin, they’re beautiful. Even from this distance. 

He’s here.

_He’s here._

And, somehow, he already hates her. Apt, really. On par with the rest of her lousy time here. But there’s something digging at her heart about his coldness. 

Something she doesn’t like. Not one bit.

Rey turns her attention back to Poe, eyes wide with atypical panic. A headache is starting to bloom near her right temple, blackening her vision just a bit, and there’s a bit of acid in the back of her throat that wasn’t there before. 

She’s not sure if her body’s reaction is due to her mortification or if she’s finally coming down from her sugar high. Or losing it. Probably losing it. 

“Oh, God, I’m going to hurl.”

Poe crudely snorts, “A bit dramatic, even for you. I’m sure we’ll scrape by.”

She balances her elbows on the table and cradles her head in her sweaty palms. _What the fuck is going on?_ Rey squeezes her eyes shut, trying to dull her senses on pure instinct. Of course, being a fucking cat doesn’t help anything. _There’s got to be a spell for this shit._ The room is absolutely swallowing her. 

Every conversation rushes around her and she wants to scream bloody murder.

“Are you okay?” Poe’s voice feels oddly distant even though she can feel his warm breath against her ear. 

Rey bites out, “Headache. It’s nothing.”

_Spell, spell, spell, spell, spell…_

She can’t think of a relief spell.

A slow shudder runs up her spine. It’s both chilling and hot, like fingers tracing down her skin. Totally an out-of-body feeling, and normally, she doesn’t believe in that type of shit. A ghostly whisper flits through her mind with the same intensity as a forehead kiss, _“Aufer dolore”_

Rey pulls the acacia wand from her robe and sets it against her throbbing temple. She mutters the words and immediately feels the effects. The only problem is she’s absolutely certain she never learned _that_ variation.

Even more certain that the voice in her head was male. 

_Merlin, save me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this fic! Comment below your favorite moment, or something you hope to see in the future.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> enter mr. sandman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! I’m very excited about this fic. I hope it’s enjoyable. Full disclaimer, I’m not an expert on the Star Wars universe so I’m soooo sorry for any weird errors.

Honestly, Rey’s not surprised that her roommates are discussing _him_ when she finally stumbles into the girls’ dormitory. 

“Professor Organa didn’t have much to say about the new Defense teacher,” Jyn Erso points out as she unceremoniously sheds her robes. After six years of sharing a living space, none of the young women are particularly modest. Jyn peers around the room as she loosens her tie with a displeased frown, “No one finds that odd?”

“I imagine the welcome speech gets redundant,” Tallie Lintra girlishly snorts, then continues to braid her fine hair. She’s wearing a ridiculous translucent sheet mask that reminds Rey of _The_ _Silence of the Lambs_ , “You think everything’s a conspiracy, Jyn.”

“I don’t know...he seemed tense, like he really doesn’t want to be here.” Kaydel Connix looks between Tallie and Jyn, never one to pick a side when it comes to their squabbles. She turns her attention back to a worn copy of Augustus Pye’s _Modern Medicine for the Mediwitch or Wizard_. An awkward second later, she sighs, “What do you think, Rey?”

Rey’s used to faking her reactions after living with Sheev Palpatine, although it always stings more when she has to do it in front of fair company. A mask exuding nonchalance falls over her features with profound ease, “Uh, I wasn’t paying much attention.” 

Naturally, she’s lying. Her eyes covertly verified every little detail she had dreamt up over the years—his jet black hair, his calculating eyes, his lovely full lips. It has to be _him._

Rey can’t even begin to explain how much she’s lost her mind to her roommates, though. They barely tolerate her as is...even under the definition of magic, this is a rather odd occurrence. She felt crazy enough when he was a figment of her mind—an imaginary friend that’s grown with her since she was a little kid. 

This unorthodox situation is decidedly worse. 

She turns away from her roommates as she unbuttons her stark white dress shirt. 

Tallie suspiciously hums under her breath, “You were probably lost in your own little world.”

Her pulse quickens with shame, “I don’t follow.”

“Dameron and you seem... _close._ ”

She glances over her shoulder, only to find three sets of eager eyes staring back at her. They’ve been trying to push her into Poe’s arms since the beginning of last year, much to Rey’s horror. Something about chemistry, or whatever. It’s silly, really, when the whole world seems to be falling apart.

Rey unsubtly rolls her eyes at the lot and resumes undressing until she’s standing in her basic black underwear, “I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I’ve told you _all_ this repeatedly.”

Kaydel whines in annoyance, “But we’re older now!”

“Oi, I’ve got eleven galleons riding on this year, Palpatine. Don’t fuck it up,” Jyn warns as she continues to dress in her night clothes. Rey’s so tired she doesn’t bother to correct Jyn’s slip of tongue. Everyone outside of Hogwarts refers to her by her grandfather’s name, choosing to ignore her poor mother’s maiden name completely. 

Status is everything. 

“We’re just friends,” Rey reminds them, squatting down to rummage through her cluttered trunk. She’s a bit of a hoarder, if she’s being honest. Rey pulls a bleach stained Lorde t-shirt from the top of the pile and slips it on, “You’re all fools for betting on something that’s _never_ going to happen.”

Jyn sarcastically mutters, “Yeah, right. We do have eyes, you know?”

Rey tries to formulate a worthy defense, but then Depa Billaba storms into the dorm looking wholly put off. Her Head Girl badge gleams under the dim lighting. If anyone deserved the honor, it’s her. 

Depa huffs as she runs a hand through her long black hair, “How is Phasma still employed? I thought Professor Organa was going to sack her after last term.”

Professor Phasma is the Muggle Studies teacher, but everyone knows she has impure intentions. Recent political movements have made her more intolerable over the years. Rumor has it, a purist party is rising from the shadows of the Death Eaters. There’s no legitimate proof but Phasma has made her position known more than once on the subject. Headmistress Organa has vastly different beliefs, which begs the question of _why_ Phasma still has a job at Hogwarts. 

After a particularly gruesome lesson last term, everyone thought she was going to be terminated. As a future Ministry employee in the Muggle Relations department, Depa regards Phasma as her archnemesis. 

Tallie peels off her mask and rubs the remaining oils into her fair, perfect skin with a characteristic sigh, “Professor Organa tried but _the board_ overruled her decision. At least, that’s the word around the _Prophet._ ”

“That’s bullshit. Completely unjust,” Depa murmurs and starts to prepare for bed. 

Jyn and Rey share a fleeting look. Jyn was also born into a complicated family and knows just as well that this is how life _works_. There’s rarely justice, and hardly ever peace. 

Kaydel elegantly shifts the subject to lighten the mood, “Oh! How did your internship go, Tallie? Are you on track to be the next Rita Skeeter?”

-x-

When she opens her eyes, she’s no longer in the Gryffindor dormitory. 

A broken yawn slips through her lips as she stretches. Rey’s lying on her parent’s old, beaten-up couch. It’s an ugly thing. A remnant of their combined styles, and an absolute slap in the face to her grandfather’s dreary aesthetic. She couldn’t part with it when she moved into her parent’s old house. 

She’s warmer than she was when she went to bed. Rey turns towards the source and smiles. The poker rests near the black stone of the fireplace—evidence that she’s not alone. 

_He’s here._

Rey can’t deny the elation thrumming through her. There are times when he’s only a glimmer, barely something she can hold onto as he flips through her mind. Other times, his presence is almost tangible but still fleeting. She takes the fire as a sign that he plans to stay for awhile.

She shouldn’t be so eager. 

She _has to be_ crossing an ethical line by hallucinating her bloody professor. Rey doesn’t even know how she’d begin to explain her dreams to any interested parties without sounding like an utter nutcase. Her only comfort is none of this is real. 

And it’s unlikely anyone will ever find out. She’s always been safe here. With him.

Rey rises to search for him.

Logically, she knows it’s just a reflection of her own thoughts and feelings.

A sudden chill consumes her when she enters the narrow hallway leading to the front of the house. The sensation crawls down her spine and tickles her bare legs. The ghost of her breath hangs in the air as she cautiously enters the foyer. 

Rey’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, “What in hell?”

The front door is wide open. Another chill courses through her body but she’s not sure if it’s from the temperature or because this has never happened before. In fact, she’s _never_ been able to access an outside door before.

This completely goes against the norm. 

And she’s running out of time.

Rather than the busy streets outside her home, she sees a plain white hallway beyond the door. The moment her feet glide over the threshold, a blood curdling scream echoes off the walls. A familiar laugh follows the scream, adding to her unease. The hallway is then consumed by an eerie silence. 

She doesn’t know what’s worse. 

Her body trembles, but her steps are graceful as she walks the path. As she moves further, she notices the walls are covered by a myriad of broken images without faces. It looks like someone punched them all to bloody pieces. 

This place is nothing like her home. 

It’s broken and cold and frightening. 

She finds him meditating in the middle of a blood red room. _Odd._ Rey gasps in the face of indisputable evidence. It’s definitely him. Professor Ren. There’s no mistaking the uncanny resemblance. 

He immediately opens his eyes and stares at her blankly as if she’s not there. As if she’s _nothing._

A foreboding feeling encompasses her. 

Rey wants to be stoic—to show no emotion whatsoever—but another shiver wracks through her. God, it’s so _cold_ here. She wraps her arms around her small form as a last ditch effort to warm up.

He rises, but does not speak. Fear dances in her stomach at the sight of him. He’s perfect. He’s always been perfect. And for the first time, she can’t gauge his mood. She knows that it’s on purpose. 

Rey looks down at her pale feet, stubbornly fighting back tears. She refuses to cry over someone that’s not even real. She absolutely refuses. 

“Rey.”

The sound of her name startles her. He’s never said it before, not even when they were arguably silly children. Rey’s head shoots up and she meets those disarming eyes. She can’t decipher the emotions brewing within them but she’s adept enough to know that he’s not experiencing anything positive. 

She searches his face for any indication that _this isn’t happening._ There’s no logic. This shouldn’t be happening. 

Rey whispers, “Kylo Ren.”

He visibly shudders at the sound of his name falling from her lips, then harshly chokes, “You can’t be here. You shouldn’t _be here._ ”

The room starts to fade. Rey’s shoved through time and space without any regard. Her body is thrown down the horrid hallway until she’s back in her house. Alone. Utterly alone.

Rey falls on her knees when she’s deposited in the living room, but her knees do not sting with the impact.

_This isn’t real. It can’t be real. It’s never been real._

Her breathing is disturbingly rough. Her eyes burn.

“Wake up,” Rey squeezes her eyes shut to block it all out—her surroundings, _him,_ everything, “Please, _wake up._ ”

She startles awake, tucked safely in her bed in Gryffindor Tower. The blue morning light streams in through the ancient glass windows. 

Rey breathes a broken, watery sigh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I wanted to update more frequently but my boyfriend unexpectedly passed away the day after I first published. I’m using my writing as a form a therapy and routine, though and I believe it’s helping. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for continuing to read this AU! I really appreciated all of your comments from last time. I'm still dealing with my own grief but I've started to do the things I love again. I'm going to answer some possible questions at the end, so stay tuned. :)

“For Merlin’s sake!” Rey growls as she piles her sopping wet hair into three distinct buns at the base of her skull. Her signature style, according to Tallie. It’s going to be a raging mess later.

_Fuck._

If she doesn’t get a move on, she’ll be late to breakfast as well. 

It’s nothing new—really, being _late_ is part of her personality at this point, but she doesn’t want to endure any snarky comments from Professor Skywalker, Gryffindor’s Head of House, this early in the morning. He’s a bit of a drama queen. 

It’s her own fault for lying in bed so long after her nightmare. _Stupid dream._

Kaydel shoots her a nervous glance, “Uh, what’s wrong, Rey?”

_They’re afraid of you, Rey._

She clenches her teeth, fighting her intrusive thoughts.

It’s not true.

Kaydel is fond of her. 

Right?

“I’m not looking forward to starting classes,” The lie flows easily off her tongue. Again. She can’t help but feel guilty about her sudden adversity to the truth. The last thing she wants to be is a bloody liar, but she _can’t_ disclose the shitstorm in her mind. Not with her horrid reputation. Rey searches for a better truth, settling on, “And I look absolutely horrible today.”

Jyn, who takes the same lax approach to fashion as Rey does, snorts. Rey gives her a dirty look and she shrugs, “Since when do you care?”

Kaydel shoves a thick encyclopedia (that definitely wasn’t on the required reading list) in her satchel, “Probably has something to do with _lover boy._ ”

“Ha,” Rey dryly comments, smoothing out her worn pleated skirt. She refused to ask her grandfather for uniform money over the summer. It would undermine her independence experiment tenfold.

The mirror reminds her that there’s nothing extraordinary about her. Not a damn thing. God, she’s hopeless. 

“Tallie, you know the rules,” Depa frowns as she watches Tallie accessorize her uniform like she’s a witchy Blair Waldorf. Tallie flips her dirty blonde hair over her shoulder, making a point to ignore the Head Girl. Depa takes a steadying breath and squares her shoulders, “Your skirt does _not_ follow code. Please don’t make me take away house points on the _first day_.”

“It’ll be counterintuitive, D,” Tallie deliberately smirks, “You and I both know Kanan will just give them back some way or another.” 

Kanan Jarrus is a newly minted Ravenclaw prefect that’s utterly smitten with Tallie. She has him wrapped around her perfectly manicured thumb despite his witty reputation. 

“That’s an abuse of power and I expect Kanan to have better sense. He has so much potential,” Depa flushes with annoyance at the mention of Kanan. Rey’s certain that Depa considers him her protege. 

Tallie mutters, “Well, taking away points because I have taste is a girl code violation.”

Rey decides to leave before an argument breaks out, which is common enough whenever the subject of rules gets brought up. Depa most likely wishes she had better roommates. Instead, the poor girl ended up with a bunch of troublemakers. 

“I’ll see you lot soon enough,” Rey attempts to hide a chuckle as she regards them. Tallie is layering gold bangles on her wrist, even though her robes will certainly cover them up. Jyn is packing a questionable amount of potion ingredients in her sack—Rey knows better than to ask. Kaydel is trying to stuff more manuals into her satchel, forever the exceptional student. Depa is positively fuming, but remains cool-headed per usual.   
  
It’s positively chaos. She’s missed this.

As she walks out the dorm, bag in hand, Tallie sings, “Tell your boyfriend we say _hullo_!”

Rey rolls her eyes, “Funny!”

-x-

“Look, mate, for the last time, I’m not going to apologize,” Finn teases as he stabs his fork through a pile of fluffy scrambled eggs. His Hufflepuff tie is casually thrown over his shoulder to prevent any unsightly stains, and a smile is twisting on his full lips, “I like eggs. Love them, actually.”

A boyish pout settles on Poe’s face, “Okay, but what if I liked to nibble on dogs?”

“Hey!” Rose lets out a girlish laugh at the ridiculous notion, “That’s not the same thing and you know it. I seem to remember a time when you were quite the omelette connoisseur.”

“Shut it, Rover,” Poe counters, unwilling to admit defeat, “ _I_ _remember_ a time when you didn’t bark at people.”

Rose’s mouth falls open in mock-offense, “That was once.”

Poe holds up his fingers as he shoves a strawberry in his mouth, “Twice.”

“ _Once._ ”

Rey yawns, trying her best to focus on her friends’ silly banter. Her exhaustion doesn’t go unnoticed as much as she wishes it would. Rose ultimately breaks the ice, “Rey, are you okay?” 

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, after the summer you had…” Rose starts, but she doesn’t seem to know how to phrase what she’s trying to say without crossing any arbitrary lines. Instead, she elbows a distracted Finn, failing to procure an assist. She adds, “We’re worried about you.”

The decision to leave Palpatine Manor was last minute, one she didn’t even discuss with her friends. Moving into her parents’ old home was logical. Spending the summer alone, salvaging her abandoned family home, well, that was therapeutic. It was something she needed to do. Even her grandfather could understand the sentiment, as shocked and disappointed as he was with her decision to leave. 

Poe frowns when she doesn’t immediately respond, “You’re not usually so distant. It’s unnerving.”

Finn lightens the mood with gentle assurance, “You know we would have helped with everything, right?” 

Her head begins to throb, much to her chagrin. It starts in the back of her skull, but she can feel it creeping toward her frontal lobe. 

Her friends stare at her, waiting for some type of explanation. She doesn’t want to talk about her parents. Rey was so young when they died, she only knows what her grandfather and the house elves told her.

She does have _one_ memory. 

The way her mother’s arms felt around her. But even now, she’s not sure if it’s real. Perhaps it’s just a feeling Rey conjured up in her mind to elevate her prolonged grief. 

Rey clears her throat, trying not to squint her eyes as the pain rises, “Oh, yeah, I know. Like I said in my letters...it was just something I needed to handle on my own.”

Finn and Rose answer at the same time, “Right.”

Hufflepuff’s Head of House, Professor D’acy, hands Finn and Rose their schedules with a soft smile, “I hope to see you all in Herbology this term! I’ve got some _very_ interesting lessons planned.”

Professor D’acy happily struts away, not bothering to continue the conversation. The group exchanges a look of terror. D’acy has a wild definition of interesting. Rey was really hoping she wouldn’t have to fight any plants this year. 

After a breath, Finn and Rose start idly discussing their similar schedules. Rey’s grateful for the temporary distraction. She’s not confident in her ability to answer any more questions about her summer. 

“Do you want to go to Chewie’s for lunch?” Poe asks lowly, forever her saving grace. Rey adores Chewie. 

She simply nods, enthusiasm muted by her headache. 

Poe nudges her with his shoulder, trying to entice a better mood, “Solo will probably be there.”

Her excitement is noticeable. Professor Han Solo is the flying coach and Rey’s idol. Solo used to be a professional Quidditch player—one of the best in the league. He’s got over a dozen records for a multitude of skills, ranging from technique to speed. 

Rumor has it, he used to be married to Headmistress Organa—something Rey has confirmed, but kept quiet since last term. She caught them snogging when she was early to a private Defense lesson and that’s where she’ll leave it. 

Han Solo’s the closest thing she has to a traditional father figure. He might be emotionally constipated, but he cares about her interests. Her grandfather is far too busy working political angles to attend to her every need so they always end up sharing a few letters over the holiday about day-to-day events and Quidditch matches. 

Poe opens his mouth to say something, most likely parroting Rey’s mental praise. He’s cut off by their Head of House’s melodramatic sigh, “Really, you two should be sitting with your house the first day. All this walking’s going to ruin my new boots.” 

Luke Skywalker frowns as he hands Poe and Rey their schedules, then walks away without further comment. She couldn’t be more relieved. 

Rey tries to focus on the neat writing, but her vision is blurring. The pain in her head spikes. All of her friends are too busy reading over their courses to notice her casting the pain relief spell against her temple. It barely helps. 

She would do anything for an aspirin. 

Rey straightens and tries to read the schedule once more. Immediately after breakfast, she has Transfiguration with Professor Holdo. Unfortunately, after Transfiguration, she has Potions with the deplorable Professor Hux. Following Potions, she has lunch, then Charms with Professor Skywalker. 

A relieved sigh slips through her lips. At least she doesn’t have Defense Against the Dark Arts today. Tomorrow, she’s meant to go to Ancient Runes, Herbology, and then Defense. She doesn’t know how she’s going to face Ren after last night’s dream, but hopefully she gets some clarity beforehand.

Maybe a better dream. One where he apologizes… _no, let it go. He’s not real. It’s not real._

Rose’s eyebrows furrow in disgust as she looks towards the entrance doors, “Ugh, looks like we have another Hux on our hands.” 

_Speak of the Devil and he shall appear..._

The Great Hall quiets incrementally, everyone’s focus shifting to their new professor and his chosen company. Rey tries not to gawk, but he’s quite beautiful even if he looks more dangerous than she’s ever imagined him. 

_Because you don’t know him, idiot._

He’s speaking to Professor Phasma, who seems to be gobbling up his every word. If she tried hard enough, she could pick up their conversation with her advanced hearing, but even she has limits. 

A possessive hiss slips from her lips at the sight of Phasma smiling at some deadpan comment he’s made. 

Professor Ren’s head snaps in her direction, dark eyes piercing into hers as they narrow. It’s like he heard her, but that’s impossible. Intense desire runs down her spine under his undivided attention. 

_Kill me._

Rey gasps, her pain doubling under his watchful gaze. She swallows thickly, averting her eyes with a wince. A firm blush colors her cheeks.

_Pull it together, Niima._

Poe mistakens the reason behind her animalistic behavior, chalking it up to contempt, “Bet you miss Wexley now, Rey. At least we don’t have Defense until tomorrow.” 

Of course, their schedules match perfectly. Rey didn’t even notice, but Poe must have snuck a peak while she was distracted. Good, he can keep her in check in Ren’s presence. 

Poe’s most likely going to be an Auror as well, but last she heard, he’s keeping his options open. She distinctly remembers Poe informing their entire house that he was going to be a dragon trainer during second year. Last term, he was convinced he was going to be a professional Quidditch player.

He’s a dreamer. 

Finn darkly whispers, “Snap might have been useless but at least he wasn’t canoodling with Satan.” 

Phasma and Finn have a long history of distaste for one another. Rey’s positive it’s because of Finn’s condition. Purist bitch. 

A lump settles in her throat as she processes Finn’s words, “Canoodling? They’re just chatting.”

Rose shrugs as if it’s obvious, popping a grape in her mouth, “Phasma’s _actually_ smiling and Professor Ren looks...enthralled.”

Professor Ren and Phasma are almost to the staff table at this point. Rey watches his back, hating the familiarity she finds in the way he walks. He seems too large for the room, even if it’s wholly massive. 

She’s truly insane, right?

Fortunately the returning throb in her temples doesn’t allow her to fully evaluate her slipping mental health. 

Poe groans, shoving his plate away, “Fucking disgusting mental image, guys. Ren looks like an overgrown tree.” 

Rey wants to argue with Poe’s assessment, but she knows it’s unwise. She closes her eyes, swallowing hard, “We should prepare for class, yes?”

Rose quickly agrees, a scoff evident in her voice, “Anything’s better than watching _that_.”

Phasma’s laughing at something Professor Ren has said again. She tries not to listen to the sound of her cackle but Rey’s instincts betray her. Her heart irrationally clenches. 

She stands, leaving the Great Hall before her friends can catch up. 

In the back of her mind, she prays she looked unbothered to him. A girl can hope, at least. 

-x-

Transfiguration slips by without any major incidents. She’s safer here, basking in a familiar routine where Kylo Ren doesn't haunt her in the daylight. 

Professor Holdo is an amazing instructor, even if she’s strict at times. It’s one of the only courses she has with all of her friends besides Charms and Herbology. They have a knack for the subject, mainly because of their previous need to master the animagus transformation. 

Rey has to stop herself from giggling when Professor Holdo sweeps past Poe as they review spells from last term, tersely saying, “Enough showing off, Mr. Dameron.”

As she walks away, Poe mumbles, “I tell ya, she’s got it out for me.”

Potions is as horrible as she expected it to be. Hux seems to be in a poor mood for some reason. He spends the entire lesson catering to the Slytherins per usual. He’s so caught up talking to Revan Knight about the nerve of _some people_ that he doesn’t even notice Jyn picking the lock to Hux’s personal ingredient storage located behind a row of loyal Gryffindors. 

By the time he’s ready to continue the lesson, she’s back in her seat. After droning on about the importance of potions, his expectations, and the probability of him failing everyone, he dismisses the class. Kaydel looks quite pale. 

“If I fail potions, I’m never going to be a Healer,” Kaydel sulks as they exit the dungeon, “I’m going to the library to get ahead of this course load.”

Jyn rushes past them, bag clinking, “Hey guys, bye guys.”

_You don’t want to know, Rey. You don’t want to know._

Kaydel continues to talk about school as they climb the stairs. She’s going on about her apprenticeship at St. Mungo’s and her need to impress her mother. Rey’s heard it all before so she doesn’t need to pay that much attention. 

Poe subtly starts dragging Rey by her elbow towards the direction of Chewie’s hut to avoid getting guilt tripped by Kaydel about his grades on the first day of class. Rey laughs, calling over her shoulder as she finally gives in,“You’ll do great, Kaydel. You’re smarter than all of us combined.”

Kaydel bites her lip, not sure what to do with Rey’s praise. She nods her head towards Poe, “I see you’ve got your priorities straight, Niima!”

Rey rolls her eyes, turning her attention back to her eager friend. Poe’s hand finds hers as he pulls her through a group of confused First Years. She smiles softly, remembering them at that age. Innocent, virtually care-free, in love with all the magic laid at their feet. 

The outside air feels amazing against her skin. She wants nothing more than to change into her other form. Rey’s thoughts are clearer as a panther. She doesn’t feel grounded by all her emotions or her past. She can’t think about her decidedly broken heart. 

Poe hums, tilting his face up towards the sky, “I’d do anything to be up there right now.”

“Soon, I’m sure,” Rey says with a soft smile as she regards the childlike excitement in his eyes, “You’re less conspicuous.”

Poe quips, “I had no idea.”

They start to walk towards Chewie’s hut, releasing each other’s hands. Or maybe, it was Rey who let go. She doesn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. If Tallie saw, she’d never live it down. 

Rey wants to bring up what she saw on the train, but she’s not sure how to broach the subject. Poe likes to pretend that he’s an open book, but he clearly has secrets. She decides it’s best for him to reveal them on his own terms. 

A moment later, Poe throws her a crooked grin, “Wanna race?”

Poe might be bigger than her, but she’s exponentially faster. Especially when he can’t float through the skies to dodge the hilly terrain. Rey rolls her eyes, “You’ll only be stroking my ego.”

Poe shrugs and then starts running. _Cheater._ An innocent giggle erupts from her throat as she quickly gains ground, robes blowing in the wind. The air feels wonderful against her face as she carefully rushes down the steep hill towards Chewie’s. She can hear Poe’s trash-talk behind her, but she doesn’t let him get under her skin. 

She’s almost there. Rey can practically taste the victory on her tongue when a sharp, encompassing pain fills her head. She slows, desperately sucking in air like never before. Poe doesn’t notice, taking the opportunity to run ahead of her. Rey’s body bends until her palms slap her knees for support. 

For some reason, she’s angry. Furious, practically seething with rage. The feeling is so intense that she clenches her teeth. She wants to hurt someone. She looks up at Poe, mind racing. _Not him._

Distantly, she hears Poe whoop, “Yes!”

An indescribable weakness pulses through her. It’s dizzying, but it doesn’t tamper down the rage. Her eyelids are unusually heavy like she could fall asleep right here. _No._

Her mind seems to be slipping towards something, but she’s not sure what. She can’t grasp enough self-preservation to care. There’s a twinge of euphoria ticking in the back of her skull and she desperately wants to consume it instead of the resentment burning in her belly. 

She knows if she does, she’ll be whole. 

Rey pants as the pain worsens. Poe’s still not paying attention to her. He’s focused on something taking place in Chewie’s hut. His ear is pressed against the thin wall and she’s vaguely aware that he’s blindly summoning her closer. Rey wants to scream, but she can’t seem to move her mouth. 

It doesn’t feel like hers anymore. 

Through dazed eyes, she watches Chewie’s door fly open. She sees Poe tense as Professor Ren emerges, a flustered Han Solo on his heels. Rey can’t understand what they’re saying, but when she meets Ren’s eyes, she knows she’s finally lost it.

Pleasure and pain muddle together so violently, she feels ill. Someone calls her name, but she’s not sure who, because her entire world begins to fade. 

All she sees is him.

All she feels is him. 

_You’re the angry one,_ she thinks dumbly.

Then her world turns to black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, Comments, Bookmarks are always appreciated (and deeply encourage me to continue writing because I'm an attention whore). 
> 
> **Clarity**
> 
> 1\. Sheev Palpatine took Rey in after her parents were murdered, but Rey doesn't like to talk about it. As mentioned, she was extremely young and hardly remembers her parents. The house that she moved into over the summer belonged to her mother's family (the Niima's). Rey's a little ignorant about her grandfather's political dealings. She knows that he's influential and their family has been part of some shady dealings in the past, but she doesn't view her grandfather as straight-up evil. 
> 
> 2\. If some parts of Rey's thinking are hard to follow-- GOOD. Rey thinks she's losing her mind, and in a way, she is. This is a soul bond fic, which is apparent in the tags, so you can probably guess what's about to happen. Rey's extremely self-sufficient, which is why she's never felt comfortable divulging her issues with anyone. She also fears her family's reputation and doesn't want to be labeled as crazy. 
> 
> 3\. A Marauders AU is a reference to the name of James Potter's group of friends when he was in school. They called themselves the [ Marauders ](https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Marauders), and eventually created the Marauders Map. James, Sirius, and Peter (snitch) became animagi to help Lupin through his transitions. This is the same concept behind Poe, Rose, and Rey completing the transformation for Finn. 
> 
> 4\. The characters in this story don't follow a specific timeline. People such as Jyn and Depa are older in the source material, but for the purpose of this AU, they're Rey's age. Just go with the flow. 
> 
> Let me know if there's anything else I can answer. I'll respond to your comment directly :) 
> 
> Do you have any predictions for the future?


	4. Chapter 4

After one too many quidditch-related injuries, Rey’s familiar with the heady scent of the hospital wing. The normally subtle odor of dittany always seems to overpower her heightened senses. She doesn’t feel any intense pain, so it’s safe to assume that she wasn’t hit by a stray bludger again. 

Rey cracks open an eye, immediately flinching away from the overwhelming amount of attention she’s receiving. Headmistress Organa is standing at the end of her hospital bed, a frown fixed on her lips. Professor Solo is looming behind her, an uncharacteristic tick in his jaw. Professor Skywalker is lounging on the hospital bed next to hers, looking at her in a way that only he can manage after years of odd, exaggerated behavior. 

Her attention gravitates to the figure lingering at the edge of her peripheral. Professor Ren’s hair is a raging mess--that’s the first thing she notices, only Merlin knows why. She can imagine his ridiculously long fingers carding through his exquisite black tresses, working himself into a right fit. She tilts her head to the side, eyes unabashedly stalling on his fingers as her thoughts turn indecent. 

Headmistress Organa awkwardly clears her throat, “What do you remember, dear?”

_Oh, right. Hospital bed._

Rey raises her eyebrows, swallowing hard in an attempt to collect herself. Her cheeks are probably a silly shade of scarlet, “I-I, well, I missed lunch.” 

Professor Skywalker makes a constricted noise in the back of his throat close to a laugh, “I think she’ll be fine.”

“Oh, so this is normal, then, Luke?” Professor Solo’s aggression is nearly tangible. Han rarely shows hostility outside of the rare quidditch match. He’s clearly unnerved, which adds to Rey’s anxiety. 

She vaguely remembers her plans to visit Chewie after Potions. Actually, that’s all Rey remembers. Her mind supplies an answer, _you’ve hurt someone. You did_ something. 

“No one is saying that, _Han,_ ” Leia scolds her husband with fire in her eyes but does not turn around to face him, “Luke is acknowledging the fact that it could be worse.”

Han opens his mouth to pointedly disagree but thinks better of it. He crosses his arms, straightening his posture. She steals another look at Professor Ren, wondering why he’s even here. He’s wearing a dark black cape that looks brand new against his faded black tunic. 

He looks nice...very much a contrast to her present situation. She likes looking at him. But his presence also feels like an invasion of sorts with the others there.

Rey quickly returns her attention to Leia before she gets caught checking him out again. 

After a brief moment, she forces herself to ask, “What did I do?”

“Nothing, Rey, nothing at all,” Leia hurriedly assures her. Rey almost believes her, too, but then Leia purses her lips in minor disappointment, “There’s no delicate way to say this, but it’s come to our attention that...well, you may share your soul.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Rey’s tone is almost humorously flat. 

“That hasn’t been confirmed. There’s not enough documentation, Leia,” Luke rises from the hospital bed, no longer feeling relaxed it seems. He casts a glance in Professor Ren’s direction that’s nothing short of contempt, then mutters, “We can’t cite dark divin--”

“Do you have a better explanation?” Leia challenges her twin and Rey once again feels like she’s missing all the pieces to an extremely complicated puzzle. How on earth can someone as broken as her share her soul? What does that even mean?

Luke takes a calming breath; a sign that he’s faltering, “Not at the moment.”

Terror trickles down to her ankles, and all she truly wants to do is run. _This can’t be right. This can’t be right._ Something’s _wrong_ with her. 

Rey’s voice shakes when she says, “I don’t understand...how can I share my soul?”

Leia peers at her brother as she tries to explain, but it’s evident that the woman is struggling with her composure, “Right now, we’re exploring the possibility that your, er, that your soul is split. That part of it belongs to another.” 

_You_ are _broken._

It’s almost a relief to have confirmation of everything she’s thought over the years. Almost. 

Luke mutters under his breath, “Rey thinks you’re mad, Leia.”

“My soul?” Rey tries to picture her soul—broken, dark, abandoned, mercurial—and how it could belong to someone else. At least half. What type of person deserves that torture? Her voice breaks, “With _who?_ ”

Han, who normally has an excellent poker face, is the first person to look in Professor Ren’s direction. Her breath catches. Of course. _Of course._ It’s obvious, isn’t it?

“You know it’s true,” Professor Ren tells her, dark eyes not quite meeting hers when she spares him a glance. Rey searches his face for anything more, wanting nothing more than to decipher him. She feels shame, anger, embarrassment, resolve, and _possession_ on the tip of her tongue—an unsettling mix of emotions that she can’t quite relish in. They remind her of her reflection when she stands near the black lake. Ren’s voice cracks, “Please, stop.”

The familiar sensation of being thrown backward revisits her. Rey’s crossed some type of boundary she’s yet to define. She stutters, “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to—”

Leia cuts her off, “It’s okay, Rey. This isn’t your fault.”

Luke can’t contain his evident amazement, “This is…”

“A shit show. An absolute disaster! She’s seventeen years old—“ Han’s finally had enough. He takes a step closer to Leia, earning her full attention for a brief moment. He looks like he has much to say on the subject, but then Luke starts to speak again. 

“Yes. Ever the wordsmith, Han.”

Leia pinches the bridge of her nose. Rey ponders how she’s handled a lifetime with the two imbeciles—Luke with all his knowledge, drama and wonder, and Han with his flyboy attitude and perceptible swagger, “Enough!”

The men settle minutely. 

“Rey, there aren’t any tests we can run,” Leia continues, her natural motherly disposition returning, “This is greatly out of our scope of knowledge. Nothing like this has happened in centuries. Obviously, the nature of your student-teacher relationship worsens the situation.”

 _He was mine first,_ Rey off-handedly thinks, then blames her animalistic parts for the wayward thought.   
  
It’s easier that way. 

“Let’s cut to the chase before medical wheels in some sorry sap that hasn’t mastered the skill of walking,” Luke rolls his eyes a bit at Leia, clearly not a fan of her sentimental explanations, “ _Ren_ is an Occlumens. I presume he’s blocking your mind right now for the sake of _privacy_. If he can do it. You can do it. There’s no reason your life has to change.”

Professor Ren and Han scoff at the same time, then look at each other with dismay. Her curiosity peaks, but she knows that it’s not the best time to unravel whatever feud Ren has with all her favorite professors. 

Leia singles out Han, “Professor Solo if you can’t contain yourself—“

“What you’re suggesting is wrong, Leia,” Rey hears the plea in his voice, but she can’t find it in her to agree. 

She doesn’t want to share her soul with someone else. Her thoughts and feelings should belong to her, and her alone. No one needs that shit inside of their head. She’s too unstable for it. But Han, well, he’s always seen the best in her. He gives Leia a meaningful look that Rey can’t translate, then leaves the room without another word. 

“I apologize. Professor Solo is...idealistic at times,” Leia’s voice is quieter than usual. Rey knows that she’s considering Han’s stance, even if she’s continuing to fight for her own. She gifts Rey a tight smile that she clearly doesn’t mean, then moves to sit at the edge of her bed. Rey flinches, although she doesn’t mean to, and tries to create more distance. Leia places a hand on Rey’s knee to keep her grounded, “Occlumency is difficult, even for the most skilled witches and wizards. It won’t be easy.”

“That’s why I’d like to supervise her training,” Luke says confidently. Rey’s inclined to agree. Professor Skywalker is one of the best teachers she’s ever had. She trusts him. 

Ren startles her when he coldly growls, “I’ll be damned before I let you do that.”

Luke raises his voice, “Excuse me?”

“ _Professor Ren,”_ Leia enunciates his title, looking absolutely exhausted, “Professor Skywalker is an expert Legilimens, as you should remember.”

“Trust me, I remember, _Headmistress_ ,” Ren practically spits her title. Her scalp prickles with anger, _how dare he?_

“Then it’s settled,” Leia ignores Ren’s obvious disrespect in a stylish manner that Rey will never be able to emulate, even after years of etiquette training, “I’ll create a schedule for lessons that won’t interfere with your other courses. Are you rejoining the quidditch team this season?”

Rey tries to keep her fury at bay, “I won’t know until tryouts.”

“Yes,” Luke supplies at the same time. He doesn’t get a say, not really, but his confidence in her warms Rey’s heart a smidge. 

She wants to scold Ren on his poor manners, though. Everyone’s just trying to help.

Leia sounds too thrilled, “Excellent!”

An uncomfortable silence settles in the room. Rey avoids staring at Ren even though her insides are screaming at her to eat him up (or rock his jaw, she can’t decide). She doesn’t know if it’s because of their decidedly weird bond, or because of her horny teenage hormones.

All she has to do is learn how to block her mind. That’s it, and then she doesn’t have to deal with him. Well, except for class.

Oh, for Merlin’s sake, _class._

Her eyes widen with the realization, “Um, Professor Organa, how is Defense meant to proceed? Will I be continuing my private lessons with you?” 

“That won’t be necessary,” Ren arrogantly responds before Leia can, “And don’t assume I’ll be easy on you because we’re linked.”

“I wonder if you’re up for a challenge, Professor. Previous instructors couldn’t keep up with my academic needs. It’d be a shame if you were to drop the ball with my future in the balance,” Rey calls on her own arrogance, eyes narrowing when she turns to meet his again. 

She hates the small smirk that forms at the corner of his mouth, “I assure you, Miss Niima, you will get an exceptional, well-rounded education.”

 _You’re nothing like my dreams,_ Rey concludes. Professor Ren is an absolute asshole. 

“Your friends have been waiting for you, Rey,” Leia breaks through the tension in the room, sexual or otherwise, “All I ask is that you practice discretion about this predicament. It’s best kept quiet, as you can understand.”

Rey nods her affirmation.

“Good. I’ll send you word about our first lesson soon,” Leia smiles, rising from the bed. Rey accepts her dismissal, standing on shaky feet. She nearly stumbles as she walks, but rights herself quickly. She almost doesn’t notice Professor Ren’s extended arms like he had every intention of catching her. 

She wishes she hadn’t. It would make her newfound resentment easier. 

Her friends are propped up against the stone wall a little ways down the corridor idly chatting in low tones. The sun is beginning to set, causing shadows to dance across their faces. She’s too caught up in her thoughts to understand what they’re saying. A part of her doesn’t even care at this point. Not with everything else on her plate. She’s more concerned about what Leia, Luke, and Ren are discussing in her absence. 

Poe is the first to notice her, nearly jumping as he takes her in, “Jesus, Rey, we need to put a bell on your wrist or something.”

She cracks a small smile at his cat joke. 

“You scared me to death. What happened?” Poe stands to embrace her. Rey appreciates his body warmth. She hugs him back for a second longer than usual, needing comfort. 

Finn’s words come out in a rush, “Yeah, Solo looked furious when he left but didn’t let on much. Poe said you collapsed. We’ve got your bag and wand here.” She almost forgot about her wand, so used to not carrying it during her work shifts. She accepts them graciously. 

“Fainted, really,” Rey lies again, appalled by the ease in which the words tumble from her mouth, “I haven’t been eating enough, I guess and because I’m already so small it took a toll.”

Rose pushes Rey’s loose hairs from her face, tucking them behind her ear, “We were all so worried. We can head to the Great Hall early if you want.”

“Yeah, that sounds perfect,” Rey forces a smile, “Let’s go. I’m starved.”

Poe throws an arm around her shoulder and she finds herself easing closer to him until they’re practically glued together. She needed this; needed to feel normal for a freakin' minute. 

Poe teases, “Don’t get too comfortable, Niima. Don’t want Tallie and the rest of your crazy roommates to get the wrong idea.”

“That particular ship has sailed,” Rey rolls her eyes, remembering Kaydel's hopeful eyes. 

The sound of the hospital doors slamming shut bring her back to her somber reality. Rey turns in Poe's hold so she can look behind her although she knows it's foolish. Professor Ren’s angry footsteps halt as he catches her eyes. She tastes the possession on her tongue again. Just possession and a need she can't fathom—or won't fathom.

They stare at each other for an inappropriate amount of time (maybe, she's not sure what's appropriate anymore). She watches his features even out like a mask. 

And then he’s turning down a different corridor and leaving her alone with her cloudy thoughts. 

_You're nothing like my dreams, but oh, how I want you._

“He’s got a bit of a temper, doesn’t he?” Finn hums.

Rey settles against Poe again, quietly agreeing, “Yes, it does seem that way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I totally meant to have this chapter up sooner but I got distracted by life again. I'm sure we can all agree that this year kinda, most definitely, sucks. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! It's only going to get better from here (hopefully). 
> 
> If you have any questions, I'll be answering them in the comments as soon as possible. Please let me know how you're liking this story because I'm definitely an attention whore and I want to gauge the overall interest for this concept. I have a few other prompts I could be working on instead, so I really want to know where my audience would prefer my attention. :)
> 
> Until then, comment your favorite part about this chapter!
> 
> XOXO,
> 
> Norvina
> 
> P.S. I did add an official chapter count because this is a fully outlined story with the possibility of a sequel depending on reception!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your continued feedback and support. It makes me so happy (and keeps me on task)! Next chapter coming soon :)

Rey felt him as night finally consumed her. At least, she thinks she did although her mind is still confused on the _how_ of it all. 

She was shivering underneath a thick layer of cold sweat—her body in need of something she’s never had to define before. Her mind trapped in a shattered state; her exhaustion-soaked hallucinations staticky and inconsequential for once.

Her roommates were fast asleep, none the wiser of her withdrawal symptoms. For the first time, he wasn’t there when she closed her eyes. He was no longer a radiant visage in her dream world. She was alone. All alone. Her former sanctum now a sick prison of her own design. 

Somehow, it still looked like home. 

Rey woke up with a start, senses alight. 

She felt him there, somewhere close—god, who else could it be?

She pretended to sleep, knowing it was the best option for them both. Minutes later, or perhaps hours, she felt his fingers ghost against her messy hair in a comforting gesture. He started humming until her breath evened out once more—a song she had never heard but quickly fell in love with. 

When she finally dozed off, she dreamt of nothing but blackness, warmth, and longing.

-x-

“I don’t know why you keep doing this to yourself, Sir Nicholas,” Rose sighs as she addresses the affable ghost of Gryffindor house. Sir Nicholas crosses his arms in defiance, not wanting to hear another speech about how he’ll never be able to join the Headless Hunt given the fact that he’s only _nearly_ headless.

A little smile plays on the corners of Finn’s lips as he intently listens to Rose. Rey frowns, knowing at least one person is going to get their heart broken if Finn ever makes a move. 

Really, she misses a time when all her friends weren’t controlled by their hormones. Hell, she misses not being controlled by _her_ hormones. It would make things a whole lot easier every time Professor Ren crossed her mind. 

Sir Nicholas pouts, “That’s merely your opinion, Miss Tico.”

“You’ve got to know that you aren’t getting in by now,” Finn winces as soon as the words land. He looks at Poe and Rey with wide eyes, hoping one of them will save him. Rey diverts her attention back to her rune dictionary. She’s got enough drama on her plate. 

Sir Nicholas loudly huffs, “You two are the _cruelest_ Hufflepuffs I’ve ever encountered!”

“Ah, don’t listen to ‘em, Nick,” Rey can hear the smirk in Poe’s voice. It’s enough to make her roll her eyes. How can one person be so charming _and_ annoying?

“Thank you, Mr. Dameron. _Your support_ is always welcomed.”

Rey lifts her head just in time to see Sir Nicholas float off and join another conversation further down the Gryffindor table. Poe starts picking at a raspberry tart, tearing off small pieces and leisurely popping them into his mouth. He winks at her when he notices she’s watching. 

_Insufferable man._

“Pay attention, suck up,” Rey shakes her head, fingers tapping the pages of the worn handbook. She’s got a hundred different annotations from lengthy study sessions crowding the pages. Even then, she knows there’s room for improvement, “Professor Unduli’s going to crack the whip first thing this morning. I’d hate to see you get detention so early in the term because of your substandard dedication.”

Poe’s eyes light up, effectively ignoring her barb, “On the contrary, I think you’ll get the first detention this term.”

She knows she’s supposed to be an adult—or at least have some semblance of maturity under her belt after all this time, but she can’t resist the temptation. Grinning, she rises to his bait, “Wanna bet?”

“Five galleons,” Poe responds easily, knowing a prize close to 25 euros would pique her interest. 

“You still owe me from last time,” Rey reminds him, hesitantly extending her hand to close the deal, “Also, no tricks.”

Poe’s blinding grin falters, “Define tricks.”

“As in, you can’t sway the odds in your favor by jinxing, hexing, or spelling me in any manner. Foul play will equal an immediate forfeit—” Rey snaps her fingers to get Finn and Rose’s undivided attention, “Are you two listening?”

Rose scrunches her nose, “Aren’t we too old for this?”

“No,” Finn, Poe, and Rey answer in unison. Finn pretends to stroke his invisible beard, “As game commissioner, I want to make sure muggle tricks are also ruled out. It only counts as a valid win if the losing party earns detention for an independent act without any influence from the opposing party. Agreed?”

Poe hesitates, then mutters, “Fine.”

“Fine,” Rey chirps, confident that she’ll be richer by the end of the week. Poe starts picking at his tart again, only for Rey to clear her throat, “Now, can we get back to our review?”

“Is Ancient Runes that important in the scheme of things?”

“Depends. Do you plan on encountering danger in the future?”

“Fair point, as always,” Poe nudges her with his arm, leaning closer so he can read her horrid handwriting, “What’s that one again?”

Rey rattles off the answer without much forethought, “That’s Ehiwaz. It means defense.”

Really, they learned that during third year. How could he possibly forget?

Poe’s eyebrows furrow in concentration, “I thought Ehiwaz was partnership.”

She shakes her head, pointing to another symbol, “No, that’s Ehwaz.”

“What the fuck is the—” Poe looks around the room for a stray professor. It would give her nothing but pleasure for him to lose their bet so soon. In a quieter voice, he asks, “What the fuck is the difference?”

Rey scolds him, “You _really_ need to start paying attention in class.”

Poe’s rebuttal dies on his lips as a dozen or so owls flood the Great Hall. Rey’s always found the delivery schedule unsanitary, but no one’s listened to her complaints yet. Perhaps she’s just bitter because she never receives mail from home apart from the occasional letter informing her of her grandfather’s expectations. Generally, those letters come after Professor Skywalker is forced to write home about her behavior.

She’s gotten better at getting away with it, though, so communications are slim. Especially since she moved out. 

A low murmur about the joys of mail sing-songs through the room as people catch thrown packages and letters. A tawny _Daily Prophet_ owl lands in front of her, and she almost shoos it away until she reads the front-page headline: **_PALPATINE LEGISLATION APPROVED BY MINISTRY._ **

_Oh, god…_

She slips the appropriate amount of money into the little change purse attached to the owl’s leg. Poe tries to pet the proud bird, but it aggressively nips at him. 

Finn snorts. 

Rey’s eyes skim through the article looking for keywords like “disaster”, “insane” or “evil”—not because she subscribes to that line of thinking when concerning her family, but because she wants to get ahead of whatever taunts and whispers her classmates may have. 

Rose glances at the front page as Rey thumbs through to find the rest of the article, “What legislation?”

“My, uh, my grandfather has pushed the Ministry to apply a bit of…” Rey struggles to find the right word, “ _democracy_ when dealing with leadership issues. Apparently, his proposal allows private interest groups to recommend potential Ministers in the future.”

In theory, it’s exactly the type of change people have been whispering about for years on both sides of the line. People don’t trust the government, especially after the last war. Now, activists like Depa can actually have a say rather than waiting on the world to change. 

“That’s—well, that’s actually great. Not what I expected,” Finn appears just as shocked as Rey. Her grandfather has always preferred subtle politics over large, sweeping change. Truly, she’s impressed. “I’m surprised the Ministry agreed, and that this is the first we’re hearing of it.”

“Maybe the Ministry knows it’s time for a change. The old ways don’t work anymore,” Poe shrugs, “I’m shocked your grandfather would have an interest in progress, though. No offense.”

Rey silently agrees. 

“Perhaps he’s softening in his old age,” Rose suggests with a wry laugh, “Tired of kicking puppies and stealing candy from babies.”

“He’s not evil,” Rey says under her breath, but even she’s having a hard time finding another word. 

Luckily Rose has plenty, “No one said evil per se just emotionally unavailable, cold, unfavorable...like a snake.”

Finn waggles his finger in agreement with Rose’s assessment, “Spot on.”

Rey sets the paper down only for Poe to pick it up and flip to the quidditch section. The season is officially over which means there are loads of projections about next year. Personally, Rey’s hoping The Harpies have a better season this coming year because this one was a disaster. 

She makes a show of eating because she doesn’t want anyone to worry—although it makes her feel a tad crummy for keeping up the facade. It’s not like she can tell the truth. 

Rey’s not even certain of the truth. The more she thinks on the events of yesterday, the more confused she actually feels. Everyone seems to know more than they’re letting on—and really, shouldn’t her _bond-mate_ be the one doing the explaining?

Instead, he’s haunting her when she’s deliriously exhausted and pretending she doesn’t exist otherwise. Fortunately, he can’t ignore her for long.

Defense is directly after lunch. 

-x-

Ancient Runes proceeds exactly how she suspected it would. Professor Unduli’s strictness and expectations are predictable, as they should be at this point. The only real problem with the course is that Tallie, Kaydel, and Depa sit in front of the desk she shares with Poe and Jyn. It wouldn’t be such an issue if Tallie could shut up about the Daily Prophet for five minutes—or if Depa wasn’t constantly shushing Tallie and muttering audible threats. 

Rey takes note of their homework in a planner she bought from Office Depot over the summer. Truly, it’s a modest contraption but it never fails to amaze her. That being said, the thin paper wasn’t designed for the crudeness of a quill. She’ll have to get creative about ordering some pens from the muggle world. 

She glances over her shoulder at Poe. He’s carrying on a conversation about his summer with an unfamiliar Ravenclaw girl. Rey narrows her eyes. She must be in the year below them. 

He didn’t even bother to write down their assignments before chatting up Miss Blonde-and-Busty. 

_What. An. Idiot._

Rey can’t stop gawking as the girl places her hand against Poe’s upper arm. She wonders if it makes him uncomfortable—or if she’s completely misread her best friend. She can see the jealousy in his eyes when he watches Finn and Rose. It’s there. So, why is he flirting with this stranger?

And why does she even care? Poe’s a big boy. He can handle himself. 

“Eh, Palpatine,” Jyn whistles, snapping Rey out of her creepy behavior. Erso’s throwing her belongings into her bag with a vibrant look in her eyes that Rey can’t fully process, “Save me a spot in Herbology, yeah?”

_What?_

Jyn’s practically to the door by the time Rey’s mind catches up with her, “Jyn, Herbology starts in 10 minutes. D’acy will have a fit if you’re late!”

“Thanks, I’ll owe you one!” 

Professor D’acy looks like she’s going to vibrate out of her skin as the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor students filter in the greenhouse. Rey trails behind her three friends lost in thought—she’s not sure if she’s stuck on the whole Poe situation, or if her brain is forcing her to hyper fixate on something else so she doesn’t have to think about her real problem. 

Like the fact that she’s at least half in love with Professor Ren and every seemingly meaningless conversation they’ve held about random subjects was real...

Poe’s voice breaks through the beginnings of her mental breakdown, “He predicts the death of at least one person every term, Finn. I don’t buy it.”

“Okay, but he sounded _really_ serious this time.”

Rose pats Finn on the shoulder, “Look, I’m gonna have to agree with Poe on this one. Professor Yoda’s _probably_ senile. He’s ancient. Pretty sure he knew Helga Hufflepuff personally.”

“Make sure you stand with your houses, dears,” Professor D’acy hesitantly eyes their rag-tag group, most likely remembering the whole mandrake business second year. They haven’t had Herbology together since. At least having Finn and Rose on the other side of the table will spare _some_ students if things go pear-shaped. 

Poe strikes up conversation with one of his roommates as they settle on their side. She guards the empty space on her other side for Jyn, occasionally glancing at the spot. Depa, who settles on the other side of the gap, nearly hisses when the clock tower chimes, “Where’s Jyn?”

Rey innocently replies, “I think she needed the loo.”

It’s obvious Depa doesn’t believe her, but frankly, Rey doesn’t care. Rose casts her a look from across the table, clearly concerned with the apathy written across her face. Rey rolls her eyes towards Depa. She has an infinite amount of respect for her, but sometimes she takes the whole _rules_ thing too far. 

“Good morning, class! This year, we’ll be working with toxic plants and their antidotes,” Professor D’acy’s excitement doesn’t infect the entire room. Like everyone else, Rey’s had enough exposure to toxic elements in Potions, and of course, there’s not much a bezoar can’t fix. D’acy continues, blissfully unaware, “We’ll start with Belladonna. A very tricky plant, indeed, if mishandled.” 

There’s a minor commotion at the door as Jyn stumbles in looking unusually flushed. She mumbles, “Sorry, Professor.”

“Miss Erso, seeing as it’s only the first day, I’ll give you a warning. In the future, tardiness will not be tolerated. You know better.” Professor D’acy miffs then returns to slowly boring the class to death, “Belladonna has many names—”

Depa gives Jyn a look that could petrify. It’s only funny for a moment, then Rey remembers she has to share quarters with the girls. 

“—such as nightshade or dwale—” 

Rey nudges Jyn with her elbow, “Oi, you’re in trouble.”

“Shut it,” A smile twists on Jyn’s lips, one that tells Rey that she’s not remotely ashamed for being tardy. After a moment of pretending to listen to Professor D’acy, she breathes, “I have a valid reason if you must know.”

Depa huffs, then pulls out her quill and a roll of parchment. Rey watches her write a neat header across her notes, labeling them by subject and date. 

Rey distractedly mumbles, “Do you, now?”

Jyn scoots closer to Rey, dropping her voice to a barely audible whisper, “Working on a grand revenge plan.”

_Oh, hell._

“—belladonna isn’t a plant restricted to the wizarding world, either—”

Her odd behavior over the last day now has unwanted context. Rey knows she should shy away from any bad behavior considering her bet with Poe, but unfortunately, Jyn’s captured her attention. Rey sighs, “Not on anyone we have to share a space with I hope.”

She tilts her head towards Depa, asking a silent question. 

“Nah,” Jyn assures her with a wicked grin, “I’ve got my sights set on the Ravenclaw Seeker.”

“Andor?” 

Cassian Andor is stiff competition on the quidditch pitch. Rey hasn’t interacted with him much outside of the game and a few stray classes over the years. All in all, he seems like a stand-up guy. She’s definitely known worse—take, for instance, Revan. Fucking git. 

“That’s the one,” Jyn beams, an unfamiliar glint in her eyes, “Been brewing a potion that’ll make everyone within three meters fawn over him. Just finished it. He detests attention, you see. Gonna slip it to him over lunch.” 

If Rey were a responsible person, she might ask some follow up questions about the potion or how Jyn plans to spike Cassian’s drink. Instead, she asks, “What’d he ever do to you?”

“—in the muggle world, they use chemicals created with science. Much like potion-making. In our world, we have a few options—”

“Nothing. I think I might be in love with him actually,” Jyn confesses nonchalantly as if _her_ having feelings for anyone is commonplace. 

Rey gives her a once over, then snorts, “You’re deranged.”

Jyn just smirks, “The heart is a fickle thing.”

Professor D’acy clears her throat as more students engage in pointless side conversations, “Now everyone, pay attention, or I’ll start deducting points.”

-x-

“Rey, you’re not eating,” Rose covers her mouth with her hand as she speaks, not wanting to show off her lunch. Her observation quickly gains Poe and Finn’s attention, which was previously occupied by Finn’s obsession with divination. After her fabricated spell yesterday, she’s sure she should be trying harder to keep up appearances. That being said, she feels increasingly nauseous as time wobbles towards next period. 

The mere thought of sitting in a room with Professor Ren is surprisingly intoxicating, but in an awful way she can hardly describe. She just has this feeling that she’ll crave more and more--like a moth to a flame, or some other perverse proverbial. It’s only stoppered by the knowledge he couldn’t possibly feel the same way about her, so she’s only fooling herself with these obstinate fantasies. 

Rey reaches for a slice of meat, throwing it on her plate without much care. Rose raises an eyebrow, probably questioning her horrid attitude. Rey could lie, of course, but she doesn’t feel like adding another notch to her bedpost. 

Fortunately, she gets spared from having to say anything. 

A young, stumbling Gryffindor approaches the Hufflepuff table with rosy cheeks. He’s familiar like most people at Hogwarts, but Rey can’t place him, “H-hiya guys, and Rey, er, Professor Solo told me to give ya this.” 

Rey accepts a sealed note from his shaky hands, a warm smile on her face, “Thank you.”

His eyes bulge out like she’s bestowed a great honor on him. Rey can’t help but flush as Finn snickers across the table. 

“Did you need something, mate?” Poe asks firmly, a damning grin playing at the edge of his lips. She wants to kick him for being intimidating, but it’d be too obvious. 

“N-no, sir. Thank you.” 

The poor, poor boy bows in their general direction then scurries off, almost as red as Rey. Her friends giggle as she tears open the seal with a sharpened nail, “Shut up.”

They only laugh louder. 

Her eyes scan Han’s brief words three times. 

_Chewie’s hut. Before dinner. Alone. - H_

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, it literally makes my day. Next chapter, we get to see Kylo Ren/Ben Solo interact with Rey in a classroom setting as well as Rey's relationship with Han Solo, Chewie and Leia. I'm super excited about the upcoming chapters because they'll contain way more Reylo and DRAMMMMMA. 
> 
> Tell me your favorite part from this chapter in the comments below and ANY predictions you have about the future. 
> 
> XOXO, 
> 
> Norvina.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your continued support! I hope you like this chapter ❤️❤️

“It went off without a hitch, Palpatine,” Jyn gushes, an unrelenting grin plastered on her face. One that, if they weren’t currently crossing the threshold of Defense Against the Dark Arts, would be infectious. Rey hasn’t yet seen Cassian, but she imagines it’ll be quite humorous when their paths cross.

Poe’s whistling a pop song she heard on the radio a thousand times this summer, not a flippin’ care in the world per usual. He’s got his arm casually thrown around her shoulders again, causing Jyn to cast Rey a few knowing looks as if she’s finally won the bet. She’d shake him off for the sake of her reputation if it wasn’t so grounding. Her heart feels like it’s going to leap from her chest. What an utterly cliche and sickening sensation.

Professor Ren isn’t there. 

She _feels_ it before she sees it, but then that sounds crazy. 

The Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom looks bare, especially with the new desk arrangement. The desks, which now seat two, have a circular format to them so all eyes are on the lecturer. There are only three rows in place, and she wonders if he resets them each class based off the projected amount of students. 

Rey can’t help but roll her eyes. 

Snap had previously littered the walls with dozens of old Quidditch posters and headshots from his glory days. Rey didn’t mind it, truly. He was a lousy instructor but at least he had a vibrant personality and excellent quidditch forecasts. Ren’s done absolutely nothing with the space that alludes to what type of person he might be. No posters, no foolish diagrams of heinous threats, _nothing._

Rey can’t help but feel a bit robbed. Through their shared world, he’s seen so much of her over the years—a development from a toothy child to the person she is now. He’s been a fleeting witness and a casual friend all this time. But, really, she doesn’t know much about him at all. It’s only right that she should get a peek. 

She doesn’t notice everyone’s stares right away, not with her head in the clouds, but when she does, her mood nosedives. Rey didn’t have a problem in Ancient Runes or Herbology, but it seems everyone’s had time to catch up on their cruel gossip over lunch. 

_How dare they judge you…_

A voice whispers—not his, but not fully hers either. Something else, something dark. 

Poe steers her towards the back row, muttering indignities about the general lack of seating and how rude people can be. Jyn follows with a deep sigh when she notices the only remaining seats are next to Depa and Kaydel. 

“I know,” Depa tsks as Poe and Rey settle down in their shared desk. Jyn steals a spot next to fellow Gryffindor, Hadeen Bissel, with a flippant wink. Whatever lecturing Depa prepared for Jyn seems to have gone out the window with today’s new inconvenience, “ _Apparently,_ our classmates can show up early when the professor is somewhat attractive.”

Somewhat attractive. 

_Somewhat attractive._

_Are you fucking blind, Depa?_

Rey bites her tongue, making a show out of tossing her planner on the desk and retrieving a quill from her bag. How anyone on this great big earth could look at Professor Ren and think, _ah, he’s alright,_ is beyond her and she wants to write a very stern essay on every bloody thing about him that sets her nerves on fire just so Depa can eat her words. 

But that’s insane and she’s trying to be better. 

For instance, she hasn’t snapped at the group of Slytherin girls openly whispering about her in the front row. They don’t like how she dresses. They think she should wear makeup. They say something’s wrong with her, that she’s clearly defective. An absolute embarrassment to her family name. 

“Aren’t the Palpatine’s supposed to be an elite family?” One giggles, while the other quietly replies,“It must skip a generation. She’s so _weird._ I don’t know what Dameron sees in someone like that.”

Poe places his hand over the one she’s resting on the desk, eyeing her sharpened nails, “Down, kitty.”

It’s warm. A subtle reminder of her humanity. 

Rey brings her attention back to her friends, or at least tries. Kaydel shrugs, fingers tracing the spine of _Standard Book of Spells, Grade 7_ by Miranda Goshawk, “Someone said he may have been a Slytherin when he went here, but no one can confirm it. He seems pretty chummy with Hux and Phasma, though, and they’re around his age. Bit worrisome.”

_But he’s not like them. He can’t be like them._

“Great. Perfect,” Depa’s frown deepens as she takes in this new information, not pleased at all, “Another egomaniac on staff. Seriously, what was Professor Organa _thinking_? Hogwarts hasn’t had a Slytherin Defense Against the Dark Arts professor in decades and there’s a perfectly sensible reason why. I bet Tallie’ll have more information...”

Poe seems unbothered, “He’ll be gone soon, anyway. No point in stressing over it.” 

“Yeah, that’s true, but the world is changing, Dameron,” Jyn whispers as if she has a terrible secret, eyes darting towards the Slytherins in front of them, “We’ve got to be worried about the legacy he’ll leave in the minds of our peers. Also for Defense training, we need someone on _our_ side.”

Rey doesn’t want to think about Jyn’s implication. Not because it offends her on a personal level, although it does. Professor Ren isn’t evil. That’s something she knows in her heart. Rather, she doesn’t want to face the coldness in the air, or how some days, it all feels so hopeless. Everyone is so keen to share their hate with the world these days—hate over politics, hate over wealth, hate over parentage. 

She’s never experienced a reality this glum. 

Professor Ren strides into the classroom with a grim expression on his face, as if he was also recently reminded how much life sucks. 

He’s beautiful. Always so beautiful. Even in his dreary, but well-tailored, traditional robes. 

She undoubtedly feels him at the edge of her mind in this small space, if only for a second. He pulls away from her—that’s the only way she can describe it. Rey craves _more,_ though. Just a smidge. He’s like a magnet. But when Rey tries to find what she needs by pure instinct, she slams into a mental wall. 

_So, that’s Occlumency._

She hisses through a fleeting spark of pain as Ren greets the class with a brief, “Afternoon.”

_Asshole._

The girls that were previously discussing all of her flaws practically sing, “Afternoon, Professor Ren.” 

They’re preening for him, sitting at the edge of their seats, hoping to be noticed. They want Professor Ren to pick them out of the crowd, and tell them they’re special. 

_He’s mine._

She bites the inside of her cheek until a metallic taste tickles the tip of tongue. It hurts, but she doesn’t flinch. Professor Ren runs a hand through his hair, releasing a steady breath. The girls’ heartbeats rise as they respond to appealing stimuli. Rey has to close her eyes, a firm growl concealed in her chest. She tries to reason with the animal inside, knowing that an outburst will only foster more rumors. 

_Calm down. He’s not yours. You have no claim over him._

But her insides insist otherwise. 

_Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Yes, you do._

“Let’s not waste time with meaningless introductions. As a Hogwarts alumni, I’m fully aware that this course is sorely lacking apart from the occasional instructor with the rare pocket of knowledge,” His mental walls can’t conceal his smugness, or hide the smirk playing on his lips. It’s safe to assume he considers himself one of the better professors, and he’s only been teaching for two days, “More times than not, students are left with needs that can’t be facilitated whether that’s due to total incompetence, or harmful bias, I’ve yet to decide.”

For a brief second, he looks at her. Ren’s smirk falters, eyes momentarily sweeping down to her desk. At first she thinks it’s the stupid planner that’s offended him, but then Poe squeezes her hand. 

The one he’s still holding. 

Rey flushes, pulling her hand to her lap. She suddenly finds her stupid planner wholly fascinating. Ren must think she’s such a baby, having to hold her friend’s hand like a security blanket. She hears his shoes against the floor as he walks towards the chalkboard, hears his heart pounding in his chest. 

He’s irritated.

The sound of chalk against the board rings in her sensitive ears. She wishes wizards would discover the wonders of an Expo marker already—or better yet, how to bypass technological restrictions so she can finally listen to some decent music without having to spend an arm and a leg on vinyl records. 

“Even some of you will leave this school feeling as if you’ve not learned all that you could have. If that’s your belief when you walk out of these doors, you have no one to blame but yourself,” Ren’s voice is slightly strained as he continues to write what appears to be dates paired with nonsensical descriptions. Then again, she’s not putting in much effort to discern them. 

“Prick,” Jyn and Poe mumble at the same time, then beam at each other. Rey can’t deny the small smile on her lips. They keep her sane. Really, truly, they do. 

Ren takes a deep breath, forcing her attention back to him. He rolls his shoulders, then turns to the next empty chalkboard and sets out doing the same as before, “As seventh years, you should take the initiative to learn independently and reach beyond the curriculum of a subpar, poorly designed course. I can only take you so far.”

 _You’re right,_ she involuntarily thinks, but it’s clear her peers don’t agree. They want to get lost in the phenomena called _senioritis_ instead of bending to the rules of a green Professor with an apparent chip on his shoulder. Perhaps she should feel the same way, but she’s never been particularly normal. 

“Oh great, another drama queen,” Jyn shakes her head in amusement. 

Rey’s not sure what she’s referring to until Poe conspiratorially whispers, “Except he’s sorely lacking Skywalker’s fashion sense.”

She hadn’t noticed the parallel between their two teaching styles, but now that it’s been made, she can’t disregard the notion. Professor Skywalker and Professor Ren are equally preachy for two men that can’t stand each other. 

“Ah, Mr. Dameron, something to share with the class?” Ren spins around to face his dissatisfied students, a coldness in his eyes that Rey’s never witnessed. 

_How in the hell did he hear that?_

Poe’s cheeks redden as he straightens, “No, sir.”

“Good, then do us all a favor and preserve your standup routine for post-grad. You may need it,” A few Slytherins snicker. Ren looks pleased with himself for embarrassing Poe, so Rey’s sure to throw him a vile glare. He seems unphased, only arching an eyebrow before resuming his writing, “As I was saying, I expect you all to reach greater heights. Challenge yourselves. Moral of the story, if you put in the bare minimum, you will receive a lackluster grade. Understood?”

Smattered affirmations fill the classroom, all twinged with a fear that she can smell. He doesn’t plan to go easy on any of them. Not one bit. The part of her that’s always craved a challenge is pleased. Rey’s certain that she’ll surpass any standards that he sets, if not to gain a glowing recommendation for her Auror application, then to simply please him. 

Oh, how she wants to please him. 

“We’ll start with a review of spells and concepts you should have learned last term. Professor _Snap_ most definitely fell under the incompetent spectrum, so I’ve allowed a week to cover previous material as noted by this schedule,” Ren scribbles the final date, then turns, far more serious than before, “Outside of class, I want you to start reading chapter one in your textbooks. A comprehensive essay on all the defensive forms covered will be due next Tuesday. This will be recurring with each chapter until the end of term, also noted by the prescribed schedule, and yes, I _do_ read them.”

Revan raises his hand, probably angling himself as the teacher's pet just as he does with Hux and occasionally Phasma. He’s really aiming for the trifecta, it seems, “Sir, how long should each essay be?”

Ren doesn’t look impressed by his question, most likely feeling like the answer is obvious, “As long as it takes to explain the subject properly. Most of you are of legal wizarding age. You should know how to write an essay by now.”

The entire class relaxes. _Fools._ If he’s taking a page out of Skywalker’s book, he’s going to lull them into a false sense of confidence then break them down until they’re perfectly acceptable witches and wizards. It’s harsh, but it’s effective. 

She refuses to go down with the rest of them. 

“I need a volunteer...” Ren begins, then pauses when he sees all the female students in the front row raise their hands. He frowns, “...to take the roll each class.”

Poe elbows Rey in the ribs the second Depa’s hand flies through the air. Rey understands his meaning, putting up her own hand before thinking better of it. They’ll never be able to skip class if Depa’s in charge of the roll—that much is clear. Plus, the power will go straight to her head like always. No one will be safe. 

Ren doesn’t acknowledge her raised hand, instead asking Depa, “Your name?”

“Depa Billaba, sir.”

“The duty is yours, then.”

Rey grinds her teeth together, feeling them sharpen under the strain of his most recent rejection. She fights the urge to swat something, mainly him. Jyn releases a defeated huff with his proclamation, then sets out on copying down the schedule. Rey takes a steadying breath, counting down from ten until she feels slightly normal, then follows suit. 

Her irritation is tangible; an uneasy black cloud she can’t cast away. Her quill digs into the fine pages a little too hard.

The rest of the lesson passes without any excitement—just stolen, awkward looks and palpable tension. Her new reality, apparently. Ren goes through the motions of asking each student to perform a defensive spell, purposely skipping over her eager group of friends. He even asked Hadeen to participate, ignoring Jyn by mere association. 

It’s unfair but Rey can’t help but think it’s his loss. He would have been far more pleased with her form than he was with his admirers’ subpar wand work. 

“Please come prepared to take notes next lesson, some of you need a review of the basics it seems. You may go,” Ren dismisses them with a gruff nod, “If you have any questions about the direction of this course or my expectations, ask them now because I will not explain later.” 

Hands fly through the air again, but Rey’s not willing to stay for the show. She shoves her belongings into her bag and quickly stands, effectively gaining his full attention. 

Professor Ren has the audacity to look amused. 

The whispers start again, this time born out of jealousy rather than her mere existence. 

“She’s so strange, even Professor Ren’s noticed.” 

“How pathetic.”

“She’s insane.” 

“Just like the other Palpatines.”

_They’re just afraid of you._

**_Good_** _._

The darkness inside of her blossoms, flicking its tail back and forth with anticipation. Rey grits her teeth, eyes zeroing in on the girls in the front row. They have names. She doesn’t care to waste her time thinking about them. The pure rage tapping at her temples swears that if she hears _that name,_ the Palpatine name, on their unworthy lips again, their heads will roll. 

She’ll fucking kill them. 

She’ll kill all of them. 

Poe suddenly grabs her arm, pulling her out of the classroom. The rational part of her doesn’t fight it. He forces her to walk with him until they’re far away from the Defense classroom, standing in the middle of an empty corridor.

Ren must have dismissed sooner than she thought. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Poe asks as they start down the corridor, desperation is voice. Is he afraid, too? “You’ve been acting strange since we got back.”

Rey takes a step back from him, eyes sweeping over his body. She can hear his heart thumping, can smell his _need_ to fix her. It smells like weakness. She could kill him, too. It’d be easy.

 _No_ , _Poe’s your friend. You love him._

Rey closes her eyes, taking a steadying breath. It’s easier to think now that she’s not surrounded by people. This isn’t who she is...this is something else. Something toying in the back of her mind. 

It’s never been this bad. 

Students start to pour into the corridor from their respective classrooms. They bump into Poe and Rey with mumbled apologies on their breaths. She listens to the sound of Poe breathing, and how his blood flows until she reaches a sense of calm. Poe’s jaw is tight when she finally opens her eyes. He seems relieved by whatever he finds on her face. Perhaps she looks more human. 

He opens his mouth to express his fear, “Rey—”

Rey averts her eyes, not ready to hear his concern, “I have to meet with Han.”

She doesn’t want to lie again. 

“Oh, I still need to talk to Che—“ 

“Alone, Poe. I need to meet with Han alone,” Rey watches as Poe’s disappointment festers. She expects an argument, but he doesn’t say anything as she starts to blend into the flow of traffic.

After a few strides, he hesitantly calls after her, “I’ll see you at dinner, then?”

Rey looks over her shoulder, forcing a smile, “Yeah, of course.”

-x-

“Now, Chewie, I’m just saying, Kappas fetch a good rate—“, Rey overhears Professor Solo as she approaches Chewie’s hut. The distinct sound of metal clinking together tells her all she needs to know about the scene that awaits her. She pushes open the front door, which doesn’t even lock, without knocking. 

The hut is in total disarray. An old, mangy cot is pushed against the other side of the room. The blankets are crinkled, a sure sign that it’s been slept in recently. Empty bottles of firewhiskey litter Chewie’s small, crooked table. Apparently they’ve been drinking off and on for a while, not overly concerned with their lessons. 

She idly wonders how often Professor Solo showed up to flying lessons drunk as a skunk after a fight with Leia during her formative years. Rey doesn’t know whether to be horrified or impressed that he’s able to function. 

She arches an eyebrow, tossing her bag on the floor, “Don’t Kappas feast on human blood?”

Han grins, pleased with her curiosity, “Well, not if you toss one a cucumber or two.”

Rey laughs, “Is that supposed to be a riddle or something?”

Chewie grumbles, motioning for Rey to take a seat, “He’s telling the truth...for once.” 

Rey settles on a lumpy chair that’s probably as old as her grandfather. She’d literally pay Chewie to allow her to redecorate if he’d let her. His hut has so much potential. She’d start by investing in a few throw blankets without moth bites. 

Han takes a sip of whatever milky substance is in his cup. Naturally, it’s spiked—she can smell it, although, admittedly, the whole hut smells like alcohol at this point, “Hey, kid.”

“Not a kid anymore,” Rey corrects, eyeing a half-filled firewhiskey bottle on the table. She could use a drink after today’s rollercoaster of emotions. Probably not the wisest idea, though. 

Han smiles fondly, a little too much like a parent would, “You’ll always be one to me.”

_I almost slaughtered my entire class today. I wanted to kill them._

Rey’s guilt sits heavy in her throat. She wants to confess that she’s feeling lost. That she’s felt lost for some time now and the darkness that’s always been there is growing stronger than ever before. That even with the knowledge of the bond _existing,_ she’s still very much broken in every sense of the word. 

Instead, silence overtakes the room. 

Chewie and Han lock eyes, then tip their heads back to their drinks. She watches as Han’s face distorts, deep in thought, or at least as deep in thought as he can get in his current state. 

Rey decides to take him out of his misery, “You obviously want to talk about the bond. I assume Chewie knows.” 

Han drains his drink in one gulp, wincing, “I’m trying to figure out what to say.”

“You’re sleeping here so I assume things aren’t peachy with the Headmistress,” Rey points out, only for Han to raise his eyebrow in surprise. She’s known for some time that they’ve been rekindling the romance they used to have. For whatever reason, though, they never seem to be able to make it work. Rey’s missing a piece of the puzzle, surely, but it’s none of her business. This is, of course, “You disagree with the twins.”

“No, not really,” Han leans forward until his forearms are resting on his knees. He pinches the bridge of his nose, then comes to terms with whatever he’s about to say, “I understand _why_ they’re pushing to shut it up and all that...politics, or whatever.”

Yes, because a student being bonded with a professor is never the type of press Hogwarts strives to have. Especially someone as broken and deranged as her. They’re probably trying to protect Professor Ren from her abismal reputation. 

“Then what?”

“You and B—” Han coughs, and she wonders if they’ve gotten into some sacred herbs, “ _Ren_ are just kids.”

“Professor Ren is certainly not a child, although I will concede that he acts like one,” Rey added the last bit without much forethought, unwittingly revealing a far more personal relationship with her instructor than she should have. She shifts the conversation away from Professor Ren, “And I, for one, am three weeks shy of being eighteen.”

Han takes a slow breath, “We’re talking about denying a part of your soul, Rey, and taking away part of Ren’s. There are consequences, no matter how you spin it in a press release. Have you ever seen someone without a soul?”

Rey swallows thickly, wondering if this soul denial thing is what led to her homicidal thoughts earlier. She’s never been so angry, and a part of her fears she would have followed through without Poe’s interference. Perhaps the only good thing about her comes from him. Maybe the rest of her is as dark and bloody as everyone expects. 

She looks down at her feet, “I didn’t think of it that way.”

“The lessons will do you good,” Han says in an attempt to lighten the mood, but her thoughts are clouded with the prospect that she’s damned. If she is truly evil, then Ren needs to be saved from her, “You already know Leia and Luke have your best interests in mind...think about the rest of it, though. What it all means.”

_Protect him._

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I felt like that took forever to write. 
> 
> So, you may have a few questions, and I’ll be sure to answer them in the comment section as soon as possible. This whole bond thing isn’t easy business, which is something Rey and Ren are going to continue to find out. 
> 
> One of the biggest parts of Rey’s character in this fic is that she thinks something is wrong with her so she’s highly insecure about herself, her family, and her gifts. She didn’t grow up in an abundantly loving home, and while she’s always had this connection with Ben Solo/Kylo Ren, it wasn’t something she could lean on for a number of reasons (mainly because dreams don’t actually last long). 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feedback wanted and NEEDED to gage interest in this storyline. 
> 
> Comment your favorite part ❤️
> 
> Norvina


	7. Chapter 7

“—has anyone ever told you that your eyes _sparkle,_ Cassian?” Asajj, a seventh year Slytherin, coos as she ruffles Cassian Andor’s hair in the middle of the main corridor. He visibly shudders, nearly knocking himself out in an attempt to put distance between their bodies. 

Asajj blinks when Cassian’s a good three meters away, shaking her head in confusion. She opens her mouth to speak, face crinkling in utter disgust, but must decide an explanation is above her. _It always is._ She spins on her heels and walks towards the Great Hall without a word. 

It would be an amusing sight if Cassian hadn't run right into Rey in his rush to get away from the demoness. He looks down at her with wide eyes, fully apologetic for almost toppling her over, “Oh, Niima, my bad! I-I-everyone is acting so bloody _strange._ ”

Rey waits for the effects of Jyn’s seemingly phenomenal potion to reach her, but she never feels any sort of way towards Cassian. Merlin, she must really be broken. She forces a smile, “It’s fine, Andor, perhaps you just need some rest, yeah?”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” Cassian runs his fingers through his dark hair, “Uh, your friends are in the Great Hall. Saw them when I was looking for--well, nevermind who I was looking for--not that it’s a secret or anything, but you might get the wrong impression. I don’t--” 

She’s quite amused by his rambling, “I take it Jyn is also in the Great Hall.”

Cassian’s ears turn red, “Yes, she just happens to be.”

“Thank you for the update,” Rey teases, sidestepping him, “Have a good night.”

He bows his head, then scampers off down the corridor. 

The Great Hall is bustling with people at this hour. Her mouth waters at the lovely scents coming from the tables. She hadn’t even realized she was starving until this very moment and now she can’t think of anything other than the fact that her problem needs to be rectified immediately. 

Her eyes scan the tables, searching for her friends. She finds Finn and Poe at the end of the Gryffindor table. Finn is telling a story, one that must be highly humorous because Poe is laughing with his full body. She doesn’t see Rose amongst them. 

Her throat feels oddly tight as she approaches the table, knowing that there was a great deal left unsaid after Defense between her and Poe. The childish part of her wants to purge every secret she’s ever had to make it better between them. Rey needs everything to be alright with Poe. 

Unable to gauge Poe’s mood, Rey settles next to Finn for a change, “Where’s Rose?”

Poe tilts his head to the side, eyes boring into hers, “She’s writing a letter to her sister about her classes. Close family and all that. Can’t relate.”

“Same,” Finn huffs, none the wiser about the tension between Rey and Poe. He stabs his fork into a stack of ham, piling the pieces onto his plate, “Good spread tonight, Rey—”

Depa clears her throat from behind them, “The Headmistress has requested your presence tonight, Niima. What on earth did you do this time?”

Poe raises his eyebrows, a cocky expression blooming on his stupid face, “Yes, what did you do, Miss Niima?”

She rolls her eyes at his insinuation, turning around to face Depa, “I’m taking extra lessons to pad my auror application.”

Depa hums, handing her a piece of folded parchment, “Hmm, very well. I’ve got my eye on you lot this term. I won’t have you messing up our chances.”

When Depa’s a safe enough distance away, Poe mumbles, “Buzzkill.” 

Just like that, they’re back on track. 

Rey unfolds the parchment once Finn and Poe are properly distracted again and reads:

_My office. 7:30 p.m. - Leia_

-x-

Professor Organa’s silver enchanted tea kettle is whistling when Rey steps into her office. She’s not surprised to find Leia peering out her window on the second floor, deep in thought. The Headmistress always seems to have something heavy on her mind these days. 

“Good evening, Rey,” Leia clears her throat, kindness evident in her tone, “I trust you’re feeling better.”

After the shit day that she’s had, Rey opts for sarcasm, “Never better, Professor.”

Leia steps away from the window, descending from the stairs to address her wayward tea kettle, “I’m sure you’ve got questions.”

_That’s an understatement._

“Professor Skywalker seemed pessimistic about the possibility of any of them being answered in this lifetime,” Rey thinks back to the tension in the medical wing just yesterday. Luke Skywalker is one of the best wizards alive. She’s learned to trust his opinion. 

Leia, on the other hand, has a natural disposition to challenge her brother, “Yes, well, Luke is a traditionalist when it comes to divination.”

In her experience, divination is absolutely worthless. In third year, Poe begged her to take it with him and it was an utter mistake. Professor Yoda is an excellent instructor, but she wasn’t about to play connect the dots after choking down cheap tea every other day. She forced Poe to transfer into Ancient Runes the next day. 

Rey finds it odd that Professor Organa would have an interest, though. She’s always been so practical. Leia sits at her desk, taking out the essentials. Rey finds herself asking, “And you?”

Leia shrugs, a polite smile playing on her lips as she retrieves two teacups from her desk, “I’ve been known to listen to a prophecy or two.”

“So, my link to Ren—Professor Ren—was prophesied?” 

Rey blushes when she says his name, getting the sense that it’s a major taboo. Leia waves her hand towards the empty chair in front of her desk, “Something very similar. A case study on dyads, if you will. How would you like your tea?”

_Dyads._

She files the word away for later exploration. 

“Milk and sugar, please,” Rey settles, gears turning in her head. Maybe they can figure out a way to reverse this. All she needs to do is some research, she hopes, “What did the prophecy say?” 

Leia doesn’t answer for a few fleeting seconds, “I’d have to reference the original text so I don’t butcher it. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help tonight.”

Rey gets the sense that she’s hiding something. It’s in the way Leia suddenly won’t meet her eyes. Even with her hunch, she knows she’s not in a position to pursue her previous line of questioning. She mumbles, “It’s okay.”

Leia places the teacup in front of her, then leans back in her chair, “Let’s talk about Occlumency.” 

-x-

Rey leaves the Headmistress’s office with a minor headache and a whole lot of homework to do. Leia discussed theory for hours until she realized their lesson had gone way past curfew. She’d handed Rey a temporary schedule set to be revisited after Quidditch trials and a hand-written note pardoning her from any detentions. 

Unfortunately, she can’t scribble a note pardoning her from Depa’s horrid attitude. Rey’s not looking forward to going back to the dorms, but she’s not supposed to be out and going for a run is definitely out of the question at this hour. 

Chewie might accidentally shoot her or something. 

Rey pauses in her tracks when she overhears Professor Hux speaking around the corner. He’s whispering, but that doesn’t stop her from picking up what he’s saying, “Simply making sure you’re not falling into familial habits, Ren. It would be a shame.”

_Ren._

_Nox,_ Rey hurriedly thinks, extinguishing the light at the tip of her wand. 

Professor Ren’s smug voice is alarmingly young, “Your insecurities are showing again, Armitage.” 

In class, he was so composed, but this side of him reminds her of the man she thought she knew. Her fast-paced heart seems pleased with this development—almost like it’s lacing her every observation with newfound hope. 

Rationally, she knows she’s screwed if the sound of him being rude to her least favorite professor gets her going. 

“I’m not the only one that doubts you’re up to task,” Hux shoots back, raising his voice to exert power he clearly doesn’t have. How could anyone look at Kylo Ren and think they have the higher ground? If he had the desire, he could probably crush Hux’s skull with a single hand. 

With those exquisite fingers.

Her brain short circuits when Professor Ren hisses, “To question me, is to question—we’re not alone.”

_Fuck._

She takes a steadying breath, hoping she’s not blushing too hard. Rey turns the corner rather than allowing Hux the privilege of catching her eavesdropping. Their wand light is nearly blinding to her sensitive eyes, but she manages to play the part of oblivious fairly well, “Professors.”

Hux actually grins at the sight of her, a low chuckle in his chest, “My, my, already breaking curfew, Miss Niima?”

Rey can’t help but to narrow her eyes, “I have a note.”

She holds out Leia’s expensive stationary for him to see, fluttering her eyelashes in mock innocence to piss him off. 

Hux snatches the note from her hand, snarling, “Most likely forged.”

Just to make her point, Rey sweetly says, “I was with Headmistress Organa.”

“We’ll see. Ren, if you could escort Miss Niima back to Gryffindor Tower. She has a habit of not doing as she’s told,” Hux latches onto his seniority like a leech, taking pleasure in ordering Professor Ren about, “I’ll confirm your whereabouts with the Headmistress. If I find out you are lying, you’ll have detention for a month.”

Rey grins at the thought of Hux disturbing Headmistress Organa after she went out of her way to write a note. She almost wishes he would tote her along with him, especially since the alternative is to spend time with Professor Ren, however brief. 

Hux makes a contrite noise then storms off towards Leia’s office. 

“Ass,” Rey mumbles as she watches him turn the corner. 

“Language, Miss Niima,” Professor Ren scolds, but she swears she sees an amused flicker in his eyes. 

Feeling bold, Rey places a hand on her hip, “You could’ve clarified this situation, you know? Now he’s disturbing Le—Professor Organa.”

“Not without raising questions,” Ren whispers, casting glances at the sleeping portraits on the walls, “Believe it or not, we didn’t think everyone needed to know.”

_Right._

They stare at each other for a moment too long. Rey can feel her cheeks heating up again, “Well, goodnight.”

Rey bypasses him, silently flicking her wand on again to guide her way. She’s shocked when she hears his heavy footsteps trailing her. She hadn’t expected him to follow through with Hux’s demand. 

He quickly catches up with her on account of being massive. They walk in silence for some time until she decides to break the ice, “What did Hux mean by familial habits?”

Maybe she misheard and it was meant to be _familiar._ Either way, it’s worth questioning. 

Ren quickly shuts her down, “Nothing.”

She huffs, annoyed, “You’re lying.”

Professor Ren practically growls, “Stay out of my head.” 

Her entire body tenses, but not out of fear. Rey’s stupid animal brain is telling her that he’s perfect. That she has to have him right here, right now. Somehow, she manages to bite out, “Your walls are still intact, Professor.”

Ren doesn’t say anything. 

_Pull it together. Pull it together._

She takes a few subtle breaths to calm herself down before she addresses the elephant in the room, “So, we’re pretending we haven’t been friends for over a decade? Understood.”

“Miss Niima…” 

_No, no, no, no, no._

She senses his rejection in the air. 

_No._

Rey stops walking, turning to face him, “This isn’t easy for me, in case that wasn’t obvious. Finding out I’m bonded to someone is a shock, yes, and juggling everyone’s expectations sucks but acting like—acting like we never existed when it’s just the two of us _hurts_.”

There. She’s said it. 

Ren immediately whispers,“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Rey.”

She hates how regretful he looks once the words are out. 

“You knew in the train station, didn’t you? Who I was,” She didn’t even realize she was holding onto that moment until the words are tumbling from her shaky lips. 

“Yes.”

“You didn’t even try,” Rey shakes her head in disbelief, “Before you knew I was your student. You didn’t try.” 

Ren takes a step back, distancing himself from her like always, “I...it’s…”

“Oi, spit it out,” Rey commands, done with the pleasantries and the bloody mind games. 

“The world we shared was a dream. That’s it. We don’t know each other, we never did. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. The sooner you realize it, the easier this will be.”

Rey’s no stranger to pain. It’s always comes so easily to her but nothing ever prepared her for this moment. Those dreams were the only thing that got her by all this time—and he’s degrading them.

She can’t even hide her hurt.

“Please refrain from such casual tones in the future, Miss Niima. It may give the wrong impression,” Professor Ren robotically instructs. 

_You’re a liar. You’re a liar. You’re a liar._

Her throat burns but she refuses to cry in front of him, “With all due respect, _sir,_ go to hell.”

Rey speed walks the rest of the distance to the common room, thankful that he doesn’t follow. She would have gladly paid Poe his galleons if Ren had assigned her detention for her language. It was definitely worth it. 

How dare he diminish what they shared?

She overlooks the couple making out on the couch and heads straight for the dorms when she enters Gryffindor Tower. Before Depa can ask where she’s been, Rey mutters, “Private lessons, remember?”

Apparently the look on her face is enough to deter Depa from asking any follow up questions. Jyn shoots her a concerned look, but Rey doesn’t care to lie tonight. 

It’s not like she can say, _“Oh, our Defense teacher doesn’t want to be my friend anymore and also I’ve got major unrequited feelings for him.”_

Rey throws off her school uniform, laying it out for the house elves to retrieve. She slips on a pair of gray cotton underwear and a vintage Fleetwood Mac tee before climbing into bed, not even bothering with the comforter. Without a word, she wills her wand to shut the curtains around her so she can have as much privacy as possible. 

Outside, Jyn lowly whistles but no one else says a thing. Not even Tallie. Two hours pass in utter silence. Eventually her roommates fall asleep. 

Rey’s eyelids are getting heavy but she refuses to sleep tonight. She doesn’t want to see him anymore—probably ever, but she knows that’s not a possibility. 

_I think I hate you. For this. Only this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SORRY. 
> 
> I’ve been looking forward to writing this chapter since I outlined this story because I’m probably evil. No, truly, I wanted to showcase Rey’s vulnerability with Kylo Ren and how they behave with each other 1-on-1 at this stage in the story. Obviously, it didn’t go the way Rey wanted or expected it to. Clearly, our boy has some secrets. I hope this chapter addressed a few questions about where Kylo Ren stands because he very much is KYLO REN. 
> 
> As always, I’ll answer any questions you have in the comment section. Feedback is always adored and appreciated so keep it coming!
> 
> Xoxo, 
> 
> Norvina 
> 
> P.S. The characters in this story clearly don’t follow the rules of time. I’m mixing them all in together. For instance, at the beginning of this chapter I introduced Clone Wars’ Asajj Ventress (because she was a baddie, don’t @ me) and clearly Jyn and Cassian are students rather than Professors (as they would be if I was following canon age).


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the magic continues...✨

“Has anyone seen my—fuck, Merlin, _Kaydel,_ get your numpty books off the goddamn floor,” Jyn swears as she sleepily walks across the dorm towards the stairwell. A series of shushes befall the room, “Get up or you’ll all be late!”

Depa groans, throwing something near Jyn but not quite hitting her, “I don’t care. Five more minutes.”

Rey sighs, holding her favorite pillow in a death grip. Her eyes burn from a lack of sleep—she only got two hours— and she wants nothing more than to shut them and pretend she’s anywhere but here. She buries her face into the cotton, debating whether or not her roommates would be alarmed if she just started screaming.

Rey hears Kaydel push back her curtains, “Jyn, what in the hell is your deal this morning?”

“No deal whatsoever,” Jyn dismisses her with an uncharacteristic chirp, her voice growing quieter as she descends,“I just want Gryffindor to maintain its status as the house with the most points.”

Tallie lets out a long, suffering noise when Jyn’s out of earshot, “Oh, no, she’s gambling again.” 

Rey smiles against her will knowing her gambling problem is far worse. Jyn’s right, though, she does need to get up or she’s going to end up getting detention and owing Poe. 

Someone clears their throat at the foot of her bed, “Can you cover up?”

Rey nearly jumps out of her skin at the sound of Professor Ren’s voice. _Here._ In her room. By her bed. 

She pulls herself into a sitting position so quickly her vision blurs. He awkwardly shifts his weight when they make eye contact. All she can think is Jyn must have opened the curtains before Rey fully woke up. 

She pulls at the end of her t-shirt to cover her exposed thighs, “Get out!”

Ren frowns, looking so much younger in his sleep clothes. His hair is a right mess, almost glorious, but then he opens his mouth and she’s reminded that he’s an asshole, “Like I have any control over this. You need more lessons.”

He blinks away before she can formulate an appropriate response. In his absence, all she can think is _he saw me in my knickers. I have to drop out._

Rey’s breathing spikes as she starts to panic. Kaydel’s the one to address the elephant in the room, hesitantly asking, “Rey, honey, is everything alright?” 

“Huh?” 

“You just yelled _get out,_ ” Tallie tells her slowly. 

“Bad dream,” Rey lies, jumping out of her bed, “Sorry.”

-x-

Rey rolls her neck, straightening her spine so she can connect with her inner chi _,_ or whatever Professor Skywalker said. 

She’s pretty sure he’s been indulging in modern muggle readings again because never once has she been asked to meditate before learning a new skill during the entirety of her education. 

“Listen to the world around you,” Professor Skywalker instructs but she’s not sure they’re hearing the same things, “Breathe in, breathe out.”

Rey’s supposed to be finding inner peace but she’s having a hard time moving past how cold the rock’s edge of this cliff is against her behind. They’re overlooking the waterfront on a well-versed trail. Any one of her nature enthused peers could discover them at any time. 

Her poor reputation would be indefinitely shattered. 

She shifts her weight, “Why is this important?”

“Emotion,” Luke takes in a deep breath, then slowly releases it seconds later, “makes it easier for an opponent to read you. Meditation brings peace. Peace brings protection.”

Rey heeds his advice with the hopes that what happened with Ren this morning can be prevented in the future. If not for her sake, then for his since he’s such an insufferable prick. 

Merlin, it blows her mind how she could think she _knew_ him all this time for him to end up being someone completely different. Insanely hot, and stupidly tall, but _different._

 _Focus. You can lust after someone that doesn’t want you on your own time,_ Rey mentally rolls her eyes. 

She breathes in through her nose, only to catch the scent of a hare close by. _This is never going to work._

Annoyed with her lack of concentration, she tries to move the lesson elsewhere, “Shouldn’t we be discussing theory or something?” 

Luke says, “That’s Leia’s role.”

“Have you ever taught Occlumency before, or are you testing out your retirement plan on me?” Rey jests, tired of playing along with his tactics. If she keeps her eyes shut for any longer, she’s going to fall asleep. 

After a long silence, Luke confesses, “Once.”

His solemn tone makes Rey regret her quip almost immediately. She opens her eyes to assess his mood, only to find Professor Skywalker blankly staring off at their view. 

She’s certain he’s not seeing it. 

“I had a student that expressed a fear that dark forces were trying to enter his mind,” Luke‘s forehead wrinkles in thought, “I taught him how to shield his mind like he asked, like his parents asked. It was a mistake.”

Rey knows it’s none of her business, but she can’t stop her curiosity from speaking for her, “Why?”

“Because now I don’t know which side he serves—you must know that something’s coming, Rey,” Luke closes his eyes as if he can feel the imbalance in the world, and maybe he can. There’s darkness these days. Darkness all her friends can feel, but no one wants to address, “Sometimes I wonder if I stroked a flame that should have been snuffed out.”

“If he’s dangerous—” Rey starts but he holds up a hand to silence her. 

“That's the first lesson, Rey,” Luke says sadly, almost detached, “With great power comes great responsibility and you have great power. More than you know.”

Her self-doubt buzzes, _you’ve really tricked all these people into thinking you’re special?_

“Let’s head back,” Professor Skywalker resumes his usual flippant tone, “I heard a rumor that there’s to be cake tonight.”

_What if I’m just as evil?_

They’re halfway to the castle when Luke asks, “How are you doing with all of this?”

Rey fiddles with the edges of her robe, unable to look at him. What if she disappoints him, too? A part of him wonders if she could possibly be worse. She scrunches her nose, “I’d be lying if I said I’m fine. This is all...too much.”

“Understandable,” Luke easily validates her emotions, something she’s always admired about him, “You’re one of the brightest and most resourceful witches I’ve ever taught. You’ll overcome this.”

_But I’m not. Not really._

He should be giving this pep talk to Professor Ren. He’s the one saddled with a complete nut job until they’ve figured this whole thing out. That being said, Luke doesn’t seem overly concerned about his colleague. 

Rey bites the inside of her cheek, “You don’t like Professor Ren much, do you?”

Luke scolds, “You know better than to ask.”

She should have known that he wouldn’t answer. It was foolish of her to ask about another Professor in the first place. Rey just couldn’t shake the memory of the tension between them when she was in the hospital. 

“Sorry, Professor.”

Luke takes a moment before he coolly says, “I don’t know Kylo Ren.”

_Me either, apparently._

Perhaps she misread Luke’s coldness towards Professor Ren. It could have been because he was an outsider. Rey shrugs, voicing her inner-thoughts as she walks ahead of the man, “Well, you have to admit that Hogwarts was beginning to look like a family business.” 

Luke makes a strangled sound. 

Rey’s eyes widen with concern, fearing that he’s choking, “Professor?” 

“Don’t worry about me, Rey,” Professor Skywalker darkly chuckles, “I’m just getting old.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, 
> 
> I accidentally uploaded this chapter to my fic “I Wish I Was The Moon”—whoops. I know this chapter is short but it’s so important in terms of plot. I didn’t want to overload it with a bunch of side action.
> 
> Rey and Luke’s conversation is so important moving forward. 
> 
> As always, I’ll answer any questions you have via comment thread. Until then, share your favorite line so far (from any chapter) in the comments below! 
> 
> Not to pat my own back, but I’d have to say anything that Jyn says is hilarious. I really enjoy writing her character because she’s a representation on how loved Rey is even though she can’t accept it, and generally has a horrid self-image. 
> 
> XOXO, 
> 
> Norvina


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✨ RETROACTIVE CHANGE ALERT: In the first chapter before I fully outlined this story and was just writing as a concept I said Finn’s last change was two weeks prior to starting Hogwarts. I’ve since changed that to FOUR DAYS before they started to give them time to adjust to their schedules and flourish in the drama. ✨

Despite her, time passes. Her birthday is just around the corner and their first full moon since the start of term is quickly approaching. It’s almost enough to give her whiplash. 

“It’s not fair,” Poe pouts as he casually cards his fingers through her temporarily freed hair. Their Potions textbooks lay forgotten in the overgrown grass. Rey’s resting her head in Poe’s lap, although, if she’s being completely honest he makes for a rather lousy pillow because he refuses to _stop talking_ , “I wasn’t even doing anything.” 

Rey girlishly snorts, eyes closed as she feels the last of summer on her unusually pale skin. Working throughout break really put a damper on her tan. 

She addresses Poe, “Besides running your mouth.”

It’s been nearly three weeks since Poe and Rey struck their “childish” bet. Most of their friends, and general acquaintances, have grown bored with it already. Jyn certainly made her point clear _more than once_ that they needed to get it over with for the sake of entertainment. All the relatively good behavior is killing the mood, apparently. 

Luckily, Poe finally slipped up and landed himself in detention this evening. Things can go back to business as casual. Well, for Poe and the others at least.

Rey’s lessons have been going horribly so she doubts she’s in any position to discover new ways out of the castle or experiment with advanced jinxes. 

“Professor Holdo has it in for me,” Poe lamely states. In reality, Professor Holdo warned him multiple times to shut the hell up but he was too busy chattering away with Finn about the pros and cons of seeds being suitable sustenance. Which, by the way, they’re absolutely not unless you’re a freakin’ bird. 

It’s truly his own fault for getting detention. And he hasn’t even paid her, yet. 

Rey purses her lips to contain her sarcastic laughter but she’s mainly unsuccessful, “I think she was justified. You’re quite annoying.”

He teasingly yanks her hair, causing her to let out an alarming hiss. Poe chuckles, “What are you going to do?”

“Eat you, probably,” Rey counters, “Seriously, Poe, Holdo just expects more from you.” 

He grumbles, “Yeah, what’s new?”

Rey doesn’t know how to respond at first. There’s too much left unsaid to formulate a steadfast response. She’s got a lot of questions, and even more theories behind Poe’s unusual behavior as of late. 

He’s been extraordinarily moody since Finn and Rose announced they wouldn’t be joining them this afternoon. Rey thinks they said something about a project for another class, but she wasn’t paying much attention. 

At the time, she was trying to talk herself into attending Potions. 

And not killing her stupid Potions partner. 

Naturally, she wants to breach the subject they’ve all been avoiding—straight up ask him if he’s jealous that Finn and Rose are getting closer, but she doesn’t want to push him. And Merlin, what if she’s wrong?

It’s not like she can ever trust her mind. 

Carefully, she prompts, “What do you mean?”

“Expectations,” Rey can hear Poe’s frown as he struggles to put his thoughts into words. Whatever he wants to confess, it’s enough to render him speechless, “Do you...”

Poe’s question dies on the tip of his tongue, but his fingers take a gentler pace with her unruly strands. Rey curiously peeks up at him, wondering if she’ll see what he can’t say written on his face—that he has a crush on Finn. She’s shocked to find him staring down at her with heavy eyes, “Do you ever feel torn between two different lives?”

 _Every day,_ Rey thinks. People have always expected her to be one thing—the stereotypical Palpatine heiress. Everyone except the stranger she held dear to her heart in those brief dreams where she discussed the inconsequential wonders of life like knowledge and freedom and innocent passions. 

She didn’t realize how happy she was until it all went to shit. 

Now, she’s just floating through each day wishing she never met Kylo Ren. She’s still not sure where her life is going to take her after Hogwarts, but she’s less sure that it’s going to be anywhere near him. She still has loads of hopes and dreams but when have they ever paid off? 

As far as she’s concerned, she’s never going to be the granddaughter Sheev wants. She’s not a high society witch. But he’s making positive change in the Ministry and if she does manage to become an Auror, their paths are bound to cross and she’ll have to make peace with who she is and her family’s status. 

Everything around her is changing, but that’s the way of the universe. She’s meant to change, no matter how much it hurts. 

“Yeah, I do,” Rey’s face scrunches as she refocuses her thought on Poe, “I think it’s part of growing up, though. Completely normal.”

She waits for Poe to continue, but he shakes his head, deciding against having their much needed conversation, “We should get ready for quidditch practice. Pava will kill us if we’re late.”

-x-

Rey feels absolutely unfortunate standing in front of Leia Organa. By normal standards, she’s a raging mess. Her hair is falling out of her tight ponytail and sticking to her disgustingly damp forehead. There’s dirt on her left cheek although she’s not certain _how_ it got there seeing as she was up in the air most of practice. Her training clothes are unsightly and there’s a new hole in her favorite knee-length socks. 

Really, she’d be horribly embarrassed if she weren’t so damn exhausted from all the drills and her terrible sleep schedule. 

Leia’s wearing a lovely dove gray gown with elegant silver and turquoise flourishes sewn into the bodice. Her cheeks have a bit of blush on them and her lips are a dazzling shade of pink. Rey envies her femininity. She doesn’t have a clue how to look beautiful. 

If she had to guess, Rey would assume Professor Organa has a date with her wayward partner tonight. Han Solo’s probably thrilled, or tipsy, depending on his mood. 

Rey stupidly thinks Leia’s appearance means tonight will be a walk in the park but she’s been proven wrong multiple times. Leia opted for a practical approach this lesson.

“You’re doing well, Rey,” Leia attempts to comfort her, but it’s useless. Rey’s hands grip her thighs as she catches her breath. Her eyes are screwed shut to block out the candle light in Leia’s office before she gets a migraine, “Don’t get discouraged.”

_That’s easy for you to say._

Leia’s just seen the first time Rey ever rode a toy broom. She was four and her parents were proudly encouraging her in their living room—her living room, now. It contained such pure happiness that Rey had to fight back the tears. 

She didn’t even know it was there. Rey’s ashamed to admit she almost forgot what her mother looked like in person. A twinge of possessiveness tells her the memory is something that belongs to _her._ Only her. She shouldn’t keep surrendering pieces of herself to others. 

Sadly, her blocking skills are regressing. 

_See, you’re not as good as they thought you would be,_ the familiar darkness whispers, _You’re a fraud. A failure._

“I’m getting worse,” Rey harshly pants, turning her back to Leia so she’s facing the Headmistress’s desk instead of her worried eyes. She doesn’t want to subject Leia to her growing anger but she hasn’t found a way to make it stop, yet. She hates feeling so damn fragile, “I was able to block you before.”

_Briefly._

Leia scolds in a motherly tone that makes Rey’s hair stand, “You’re not resting properly.”

“My schedule is busier than I expected,” Rey dismissively states and while there’s some truth behind her words, Rey knows her schedule has nothing to do with why she can’t sleep. If she sleeps, she’ll go back to that place. Her home _. And he’ll be there._ Ever since he openly rejected her friendship, she’s been taking subpar naps during her limited free time. At night, she stays awake until her eyes can’t handle the strain. No matter what, she’s restless. 

She might be in a foul mood most of the time, but at least she doesn’t have to see what used to be in her dreams. Her heart couldn’t take it. 

Rey’s only subjected to a version of that hell in class, which has been awful in every sense of the word. Professor Ren is rude, self-assured, and an unusually strict grader. Rey spent hours working on his first assignment and she received an E for _Exceeds Expectations_ when she should’ve gotten an O for _Outstanding_. Rey would have stayed after class to figure out what she could do in the future, but that would mean talking to him directly and she’s not fond of that situation. 

He should be handing back the next one tomorrow or next Tuesday. Either way, she’s not looking forward to reading his judgmental scribbles about her “lax phrasing” and “optimistic approach to defensive procedure”—what a _prick._

“I never did congratulate you on making the team,” Leia artfully tries to diffuse the growing tension in the room. Rey opens her eyes to find her vision blurred. Her animal instincts are still running rampant but she’s yet to figure out _why._ If anything, she should have struggled when she was a child. 

Rey sucks in a deep breath, forcefully making herself _calm down_ with meditative techniques that she may or may not have picked up from Professor Skywalker. 

“Thank you,” Rey rasps, balling her hands into fists until her nails are poking the flesh of her palms. _Please, calm down. Please. Please_ , “I’m sorry, Professor, I-I’m not feeling like myself tonight.”

_Yes, give up._

There’s concern etched in Leia’s voice but Rey can’t bear to hear it, “You really are doing fine, Re—” 

“Headmistress Organa,” The aging painting of former Headmaster Armando Dippet interrupts, startling the other portraits awake. Rey can’t help but be thankful even as her ears burn with their indelicate curses and high-pitched groans, “I’m sorry, Leia, but I’ve got an urgent message from the Ministry. There’s been an incident.”

Rey’s already moving towards her bag, and snatching up her broom, when Leia gasps, “Oh, Rey, I need to cut this lesson short.”

It takes everything in her to look composed when she faces Leia. _I’m falling apart,_ she thinks, but her mouth says, “Of course.”

-x-

Rey trudges up the stairs to the girls’ dormitory with a fluffy towel wrapped around her head. A searing hot bath did her good. She’s wearing a pair of comfortable cotton night shorts and an oversized t-shirt showcasing The Smiths at their finest. All in all, she’s feeling far more peaceful than before. 

She’s expecting the dorm to be in the same state it was when she left for her bath—quiet and tempered, but it seems her roommates had other ideas. For starters, one’s up and vanished. 

“Where’s Tallie?” Rey asks, then scolds herself for sounding like Depa. She’s not supposed to be the buzzkill of the group. 

Speaking of, the Head Girl appears unconcerned with whatever the hell Jyn’s doing with a baggie filled with herbs and a large bottle of midnight blue potion. She’s far too busy scribbling away on her customized stationary. 

Kaydel spares Rey a fleeting glance before returning to her book on muggle medicine, “Got an urgent owl, apparently.”

_Hmm._

Rey doesn’t mention what happened in Leia’s office. She doesn’t want to start any misinformed rumors. Given, she has a sneaking suspicion that Tallie’s probably communicating with her _Prophet_ source right now about whatever Leia had to handle. 

Jyn sprinkles pieces of the dried herbs into the bottom of a vial, then pours in a measured amount of potion. Rey watches with an arched brow, waiting for someone to ask Jyn why she’s potion mixing in her bed at 10 p.m. on a Wednesday. She starts rhythmically shaking the vial, whispering random instructions under her breath. 

Her head drops down to her notes for a moment, then she throws a question in Rey’s direction like nothing’s amiss, “Where’d you run off to after practice? Jess was concerned that she pushed you too far.” 

Rey rolls her eyes, unwrapping the towel from her hair and shaking it out, “I was studying and Jess knows better.” Jess is their new Quidditch Captain. She’s in her sixth year, which makes her rank wholly impressive. Rey’s got nothing but respect for her. 

Jyn makes a piggish noise, “Yeah, right.”

“You know Rey takes her studies seriously,” Depa raises her head from her letter. Rey’s surprised by her compliment, but then Depa sighs, “Like we all should with this hellish course load. My mum wants an update on everything but I’m almost scared to confess how lousy my grades are right now.”

Kaydel groans in agreement, “I swear my scores have never been worse. What did you get on your Defense essay?”

Professor Ren handed out grades yesterday. Rey knows that everyone was sorely disappointed with the results. He didn’t even say anything about them, sticking true to the position he took after their first lesson. 

He’s quite possibly the biggest asshole she’s ever met. It’s completely unfair that part of her belongs to him. 

_Whoa,_ Rey judges her sudden train of the thought. 

Depa pouts, capping her ink pot, “I still don’t want to talk about it.”

“That bastard gave me a D,” Jyn shakes her potion a little harder than necessary. Rey’s almost scared it’s meant for him, but she knows Jyn wouldn’t cross that line over one grade, “I haven’t gotten a _Dreadful_ since third year Ancient Runes.” 

Kaydel slams her book shut, fully invested, “I received a P that I absolutely didn’t deserve. Me, of all people.” 

Kaydel looks highly offended that Professor Ren would have the audacity. Rey starts to view her grade under a different light. Did he go easy on her?

Luckily, Depa sways the topic from Defense before Rey’s brought into it, “Even worse, Potions.” 

“My only complaint is the fact that I’m partnered up with Ventress,” Jyn says, forever the Potions wiz despite Hux’s best efforts to completely tarnish Gryffindor’s name. Rey thinks back to the scene she happened upon when Cassian was under the effects of Jyn’s potion, “Evil snake.”

Best not to mention it. 

Rey frowns as she settles in her bed, “Better Asajj than Revan. He’s a nightmare.” 

She was sorely disappointed when Hux randomly decided to pair them up. Honestly, he was probably scared Poe and Rey would blow something up again if he didn’t intervene. 

Kaydel scrunches her nose with obvious distaste, “He’s the worst.”

Rey yawns before she can fully agree. 

Like the mother hen that she is, Depa announces, “It’s late. We should all get some rest.”

Rey leans back against her pillows, yawning once more. 

Jyn stuffs the vial of potion under her pillow then puts up her other supplies, “Are you giving us a bedtime now?”

If she’s being honest, she doesn’t even hear Depa’s reply. She’s asleep in seconds. It would seem she actually does have a _limit._

Given her level of exhaustion, she’s surprised to wake up on her parent’s couch. Rey blinks up at the ceiling, a sad clean in her eyes. The echoes of her parents’ laughter as she zoomed around the room on her little broom play in her head. She doesn’t want to be here. 

It takes her far too long to realize she’s being watched. Rey jumps into a sitting position so quickly her head hurts. She locks eyes with Professor Ren. 

He’s leaning against the entryway, but not in the arrogant way she’s come to anticipate. He’s never looked more like a guest—his eyes shift from hers to his feet, his shoulders are slumped. This isn’t the version of him she’s been acquainted with over the last three weeks. 

Rather than his expensive tailored robes, he’s wearing black and gray flannel pants and a thin black tank top that gives way to his defined muscles. It’s frighteningly casual. 

How is it legal for someone to be so hot?

Rey’s first instinct is to tell him to get lost despite her internal drooling, but then he meets her eyes once more. She truly looks at him. His rims are red like he’s been crying. More than anything, he seems defeated. 

“I need you,” Ren’s voice can be defined as a throaty plea, but she’s not going to label it as such because then she’ll completely die. It takes her completely off guard when he murmurs, “Please.”

She’s not sure what he’s asking for but Rey’s certain there isn’t a thing she wouldn’t give him. Not when he looks so much like the boy she’s known all this time. Her heart breathes a sigh of relief, _finally._

All she can do is nod although she feels like she should say something helpful or encouraging. Ren’s satisfied with her sudden inability to speak, though. Within seconds, he’s occupying the space next to her on the couch and she’s trapped in his strong arms. 

_This is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever felt._

Naturally, she’s got about a million questions but _what the fuck is going on?_ seems to cover them all. 

She allows herself to rest her head on his chest ignoring every part of her that says this is wrong. _He’s mine,_ she asserts, _I’m his. This is how it’s meant to be. This is right._

Rey doesn’t want this moment to end. Having him here, holding onto her in a way that he's never dared before, is starting to fill all the little cracks that have appeared since he casted her away that first night. 

She wonders if Han Solo is right. Maybe her lessons are doing more damage than good. 

_You’re not the one denying this bond,_ her brain supplies. Of course logic would win out. He’s been the one pushing her away. What right does he have to do this?

_Every right._

Maybe she’s weak, but she finds herself whispering, “I’m here.”

Ren pulls her in closer, which she thought was an impossibility. Rey inhales the scent of his herbal body wash and a layer of woodsiness she didn’t expect. She listens to his fast-paced heart and his shallow breaths. 

She deepens her previous sentiment, “I’ll always be here.” 

Ren’s lips ghost along the outline of her shoulder without any heat much to her disappointment. He’s still playing by the rules it seems.

Rey severely regrets her line of thinking when he brokenly confesses, “I’m in pieces, Rey.” 

“Let me help you,” Rey whispers, pressing her face into his neck. 

Then she wakes up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Sorry it’s taken me a bit longer to update. I’ve been dealing with some personal issues while simultaneously trying to get Tik Tok famous (😂😳). Also, if you have Tik Tok, follow me @dumbsithqueen
> 
> ANYWAY, that ‘slow burn’ is starting to kindle...I hope everyone’s enjoying this story so far, especially the bit of fluff at the end. I really enjoy writing this plot and reading your feedback so KEEP THE COMMENTS COMING. 😭✨ 
> 
> I want to say that this story is told through Rey’s eyes so she can be a bit oblivious to the world around her. She’s not all-knowing. There are things she simply can’t see because she doesn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. Never fear, all will be brought to the light soon enough! 
> 
> What’s one mystery you think you’ve unraveled so far? 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts on this chapter/story in general in the comments below. If you have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer them via comment thread. 
> 
> XOXO, 
> 
> Norvina.


	10. Chapter 10

Pure bliss courses through her veins for all of two seconds before she realizes something is fundamentally _wrong._ The morning light is a deep blue hue that’s dimmed by the warm glow of her roommates’ bedside oil lamps. Depa, Kaydel and Tallie are huddled on the floor in their pajamas. Tallie’s making a series of strangled noises while Jyn sits frozen in her bed. 

Rey’s heart drops to her stomach, or maybe it completely stops. She knows as soon as she opens her mouth, her life won’t be the same, but somehow she finds the courage,“What’s going on?”

“H-Hosnian Street was bombed,” Tallie’s voice breaks as she delivers the news. Her eyes are swollen and puffy. Yesterday’s mascara still lingers in her deep set bags. Rey’s never seen her in such a state of disarray, “They’re calling it a terrorist attack.”

“Hosnian street?” Rey’s disbelief takes control of her vocal cords, “In Diagon Alley?”

Depa pulls her knees closer to her chest and tightly nods. Rey’s head spins—this is why Leia left, this is why Ren was so distraught. _A terrorist attack._

“But things like that don’t happen…” Rey swallows the hard lump in her throat, trying to make sense of something that’s not easily explained by logic and solutions, “Wizards don’t use bombs.”

Tallie wipes at the raw tear tracks staining her face, “I’ve been communicating with my friends at the _Prophet_ all night. It was definitely a bomb. Muggle tech.”

_But muggle technology doesn’t work around magic._

Jyn’s horrorstruck whisper will probably haunt Rey until the day she dies, “37 people were killed.”

If she’d known this much sorrow awaited her in the real world, she would have fought consciousness with everything she had. Rey would have held Kylo with the same ferocity in which he gripped her because that’s what you do when the world is falling apart—you hold onto the person you love, right? 

_37 people were killed._

Tallie lowers her voice in case any other witches are lingering about in the stairwell, “The Ministry is still investigating but like you said, _wizards_ don’t use bombs.”

Tallie’s implication is clear but something about it makes the hair on Rey’s arms rise. She narrows her eyes, “Muggles can’t access Diagon Alley. If the _Prophet_ prints something like that—”

“No matter what, this changes things,” Jyn harshly states, rising from her bed. She starts gathering potion supplies but Rey notices how her hands are trembling as she grasps empty vials. Jyn Erso’s hands _never_ shake, “Wait until the traditionalists latch onto this—they’ll blame the muggles, or muggle-borns, or anyone with a love for muggle culture just to fit their bigoted agenda per usual.” 

Depa wholeheartedly agrees but it’s obvious she’s surprised by Jyn’s fierce reaction, “It’ll be a platform for hatred.”

Kaydel finally breaks her discomforting silence, eyes blurry and sad, “Dark days are upon us.” 

Rey doesn’t think that quite covers it. 

The next two hours are the most disheartening moments of Rey’s Hogwarts experience. Depa starts crying again first—for the innocent lives lost and for what’s to come. Rey knew it would hit her the hardest. She’s invested so much time into pro-muggle politics. Her whole life is dedicated to peace and equality. 

Something like this shakes a person’s hope for more. 

Kaydel’s next. Her tears run softly down her full cheeks. At one point, she wonders out loud if she could have helped any of the wounded. If anything, she’s more assured in her career path. Tallie follows suit afterwards, carrying the weight of information she probably doesn’t wish to put on their shoulders. 

Jyn and Rey are solid, though, and Rey thinks it’s because Jyn was also taught emotion in the face of tragic stimuli is deplorable. 

She can cry all day about little things. Her heart can shred itself in two over Kylo Ren. But in this instance where she should be falling apart, she’s unpredictably sturdy. Unflinching. Her mind won’t let her show weakness. 

Not here. 

Inside, though, Rey hasn’t stopped screaming for justice. Whoever did this should be rounded up and punished. They should face trial and be sent to the depths of Azkaban until they’re rendered as hopeless as they’ve left their community. 

They should pay for what they did. 

Jessica Pava awkwardly knocks against the threshold of their quarters, “Uh, Professor Skywalker has called an urgent meeting downstairs.”

Depa doesn’t even ask why she wasn’t informed first as Head Girl. Silly titles and resume boosters don’t matter right now. Rey doesn’t bother to change out of her night clothes or fix her put up her untamed hair. It seems pointless, really. Her roommates seem to share the sentiment. 

They take the stairs like lost children. Rey nearly trips when Jyn takes her hand in a deathgrip. It’s an oddly comforting gesture if not a little aggressive—one of solidarity, “Whatever happens, I’ve got your back, Niima.”

Because in the end, they’re going to be pitted against their bloodlines and legacies on this one. Two blood traitors. Disgraces in the eyes of their ancestors and wealthy, classist peers. 

Rey squeezes back, “You too, Erso.”

Professor Skywalker appears to have aged a decade since she last saw him. His robes are wrinkly and grass-stained. Rey assumes he’s been meditating. It doesn’t seem to have helped much. Quite frankly, he looks exhausted. 

Poe motions for Rey and Jyn to join him on the couch he’s hogging. They get a few peeved looks from their younger housemates but Rey decides to ignore them. Jyn’s still got an iron grip on her hand as if Rey’s some kind of anchor in this storm. 

She couldn’t be more wrong. 

“It’s with great sorrow that I confirm the rumors you’ve heard about an attack on Diagon Alley where 37 of our own were killed and many more were injured…” Professor Skywalker begins and the entire room makes a deflated, horrified sound but none seem surprised. Tallie’s been busy then, “Headmistress Organa has suspended all classes and extracurriculars for today to give you all time to process this news. We will operate on a weekend schedule. Breakfast will be served shortly. Classes will resume tomorrow but we ask everyone to stay mindful of others. If you feel you need help, please reach out to a professor. We will be available at all times.” 

Professor Skywalker rattles off a few other procedural conditions and warnings before he ends his speech. Her housemates are quiet. Even the first years. 

“In times of heart wrenching grief, you’re tasked with reevaluating your motivations and morality,” Luke levels with his students but for some reason, Rey can’t shake the idea that he’s speaking directly to her, “Dark forces conspire against your peace, even within these walls. You must be vigilant. Our world is changing and one day you will be asked to sacrifice your comfort for the sake of others. Choose _others._ They may not be able to fight for themselves.” 

Poe stiffens next to her as Luke’s words resonate. Or perhaps, maybe he’s finally heeding Jyn’s warning from their first Defense lesson. They can’t be children forever. 

Professor Skywalker breaks away from the center of the room to privately answer an onslaught of questions from other students. Rey looks down at her legs wishing she wasn’t human—that she wasn’t _her_. The laws of the jungle sound far more appealing than the nightmare she’s living in. 

Eat. Sleep. Survive. 

“I-well, I think I’m going to go find Cassian,” Jyn breathes, finally releasing Rey’s hand, “He’s probably in the Great Hall. Do you guys want to come?”

Rey knows she should be happy that Jyn is opening herself up to her feelings, but a part of her can’t help but feel wholly jealous that Jyn has that option. 

“You go ahead,” Rey forces a small smile as she stands, “I’ve got to ask Professor Skywalker a question. We’ll meet you there.” 

Poe nods in agreement, rising to follow Rey. Jyn leaves with a short wave, stopping to inform their other roommates of her plans. Poe and Rey brave the crowd surrounding Professor Skywalker with very limited patience. 

“Miss Niima,” Luke tiredly greets, “I hoped I wouldn’t have to track you down. Are you up for tonight’s lesson?”

“Yes, that’s precisely what I came to speak to you about,” Rey grips the last ounces of her professionalism so she can get through their conversation, “Obviously my availability is open if you need to reschedule for an earlier time.”

Luke tries to smile but it falters. There’s something in his bloodshot eyes she can’t read, “I was actually hoping you’d be fine with having a later lesson. The same time you usually meet with Professor Organa.”

“That’s fine, sir.”

The Great Hall is surprisingly packed when they finally arrive. People are mostly wearing their sleep clothes. They’re all a raging mess. Some are crying on friend’s shoulders while others are picking at breakfast pastries. Rey finds Finn and Rose at the Hufflepuff table with ease. She doesn’t catch sight of Jyn or Cassian, though. 

Poe’s unusually quiet as they sit down but she doesn’t blame him. She doesn’t know what to say, either. How could anything be right? What if someone she knew died? 

The list will be in the _Prophet._ she’s sure, but Rey’s almost scared to look. 

Simultaneously, she’s worried about Professor Ren. Rey wants to see him—needs to see him—but she doesn’t know how to go about it. If she lived in an idealistic world, she would walk straight to his quarters and hold him until her arms grow stiff. She’d tell him that she understands now. But she doesn’t live in a perfect world. 

Far from it. 

Rey chews on the inside of her cheek, wondering if he’s alone and suffering. 

Finn breaks the silence, eyes fixed on an empty plate, “Professor D’acy cried. Started a whole chain reaction.” 

“Skywalker’s address was perfunctory,” Poe monotonously supplies, “Most of us already knew through Tallison.”

Rose mumbles, “That’s awful.”

They stare at each other for what seems like forever. Rose opens her mouth a few times but never speaks. Rey knows that whatever she says will be wrong. Poe seems _angry—_ it’s practically radiating off of him and Finn’s just sad. 

Rose bites her lip, “They’re saying it was—“

“Yeah, we know what they’re saying,” Poe’s aggravation finally boils over, “It had to be a muggle-born or even a half-blood like this was...like it has anything to do with something other than evil.” 

“I’m repeating what I heard,” Rose can’t conceal her offense, “I’m not accusing anyone, Poe, but they’re making fair points. I don’t think we’ve ever had a technological bombing before.” 

Poe clenches his jaw, but he doesn’t respond. 

Finn tries to play peacemaker by introducing an alternative theory, “What about that group the _Prophet’_ s been dancing around all summer?”

“That random purist party?” Rose counters, “I can’t even remember their name. I hardly think they’re capable of something like this. Just a bunch of purebloods running their mouths.” 

“Maybe that’s what they want you to think,” Rey picks at the end of her shirt, “Trust me, I know enough people with real evil inside of them.”

Poe holds out his hand to her the same way Jyn did earlier. Rey hesitantly accepts. _This is what you need,_ her mind projects psycho-babble logic she picked up from random articles over the summer. This is how one is supposed to deal with grief. 

Rose drops the debate, looking over her shoulder at their peers. It doesn’t take her long to find a new topic that’s far worse, “Ah, look who it is...Phasma and her friends. Just what we all needed.” 

_Kylo._

His name ricochets around her skull. Rey’s head snaps up on instinct. Every bit of her, panther and all, needs to know that he’s okay. Her lips part when she locks eyes with him. 

But it’s not the same. 

It’s not the same as it was last night. He’s not the same. His eyes are cold and unfeeling. There’s not a trace of the man that took her in his arms. Ren’s dressed in his typical black attire. His hair is brushed. His shoes are polished. He appears wholly unbothered just like Phasma and Hux. 

_You can’t be like them,_ her insides cry. 

Logically, it shouldn’t hurt so much but something is burning in her chest that she can’t accurately describe—like a realization without any words, a gut feeling that she can’t translate. She grasps at the threads of her occlumency training, forming her mental shields to hide her true emotions. 

_I was worried about you,_ Rey privately thinks, ashamed of her nativity, _I thought you accepted this. I thought you would care how I felt. I thought you were better than this charade._

 _No one truly cares,_ hums the darkness, _No one ever does._

Her eyes sting as she hastily looks away. Her friends are too busy glaring daggers at the trio to see her reaction. In fact, they aren’t the only ones. 

The next emotion that overtakes her is anger and she’s confident it’s her own. 

_How dare you pretend to be this person, Kylo Ren._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO this probably wasn’t the chapter you were expecting after the bit of fluff I previously ended with. SORRY!!! I split this chapter in half so I promise I’ll be posting Chapter 11 soon and it definitely has a lot of Reylo interaction—still sticking with the slow burn though as long as Rey’s a minor. Keep that in mind. 
> 
> That being said, THIS CHAPTER WAS HUGE FOR PLOT and I really enjoyed writing it because it was so emotional. Obviously, there’s a greater sense of irony behind this story that plays off the canon verse. 
> 
> More drama to come. 
> 
> ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> Let me know your feelings on this one!!! If you have any questions, reach out. 
> 
> XOXO,
> 
> Norvina


	11. Chapter 11

Only moonlight illuminates the Charms classroom through the floor to ceiling windows. It’s an unusual scene, but she assumes Luke’s processing in his typical dramatic fashion. 

She finds him sitting at his desk with an unpolished ornate flask in his hands. Her eyes sweep over the tarnished First Order of Merlin symbol, then over the man carrying the weight of youthful accomplishments on his shoulders. Luke’s looked better—and she’s afraid that’s being polite. 

Rey clears her throat to announce her presence when he doesn’t acknowledge her. 

Luke briskly flicks his wand, lighting a series of neglected candles and teasing a soft flame from his personal oil lamp. He doesn’t move for a solid minute. Rey shifts her weight nervously, but then he sighs, “Let's get to it.”

Rey’s mood nosedives and she can’t figure out why other than the fact that she’s clearly unstable. Isn’t that always the cause?

Attempting to be normal, she implores, “No meditation?”

Luke retorts in a clipped tone, “That won’t be necessary.”

He positions himself five meters in front of her. Luke’s wand is drawn and she has to fight the impulse to pull hers from her knee-length boot. Rey closes her eyes, sucking in a mollifying breath as she constructs her barriers. 

Every lesson about pattern recognition, emotion, and anticipation runs through her head. Hopefully it’s enough.

She feels confident for a change. It helps that she’s well-rested. 

_Fuck, you shouldn’t have thought of_ that, Rey berates herself as unwanted images of Kylo Ren penetrate her mind. Why did it have to feel so good to be held by him? What game is he playing at anyway? 

_Why can’t we be ordinary?_

Luke doesn’t wait for her cue to proceed, “ _Legilimens!_ ” 

“Wait—“ Rey’s eyes fly open as she cries out. Her plea gets cut off as her throat tightens with pure panic. She wasn’t prepared. He knew she wasn’t ready. Luke easily wipes out her half-mast defenses like her psyche is a child’s puzzle. 

Rey can feel him crudely rooting through her consciousness. 

Scouring for something.

Latching onto every malicious emotion she’s ever felt as if it’s a train to his ultimate destination. He scrubs his fingertips along her memories, discontented when he can’t find what he’s looking for at the surface. 

He digs deeper. 

Rey can’t move. She can’t restore her walls fast enough to cast him out. Sweat droplets dot her forehead and her breathing is erratic. She can’t scream. 

_Stop._

Luke ignores her, or maybe he doesn’t hear her. There’s a crazed glint in his eyes filled with resentment and sorrow. In her anguish, she reaches out to the only thing she can—her other half.

Kylo’s stronger than her. He can save her. 

Her vision starts to smear at the edges and she’s dangerously close to losing her balance. One second she’s in front of Luke, the next she’s idly walking down a corridor. 

_“—and now I’ve got to teach those snot-nosed first years common antidote potions for poisons in half the amount of time. This break is ridiculous—“_

Rey hears Hux complaining. 

_Kylo._

Her reality snaps back to Luke. It dawns on her too late that Ren is who he wants. 

What would he need with a seventeen year old orphan?

Her thoughts involuntarily drift to her parents. Luke growls in frustration, but she’s relieved to know neither of them have much control. He starts to dig again, shoving harder until there are black haloes dancing in her vision. 

A memory surfaces. Something that she’s tucked away. Her mother is dragging her thumbs under Rey’s fragile tears, trying her best to soothe her, _“My love, Rey, be brave. Be brave, sweetheart.”_

 _No,_ Rey understands what this is and she _needs it to stop._

Everything blurs. There’s a familiar figure but she can’t make it out. There’s a flare of green light. There’s a horrendous cry. One she’s heard before—when she crossed the threshold of her dream world the first night she returned to Hogwarts. 

There’s demise. 

Her parents’ deaths. Their murders. 

The shadow inside of her that she’s been battling so long emerges with a horrifying hiss, _SHE DOESN’T BELONG TO YOU, SKYWALKER._ Rey knows that voice. She knows it but her mind is slipping. The last thing she sees before her vision blacks out is Luke’s startled eyes. 

Rey wakes up seconds later on the floor with a frigid gasp. Her wand rests in her hand. Luke Skywalker is rasping across the room on the floor, “Professor!” 

She crawls to kneel beside him. Her wide eyes hunt for any obvious wounds, but she can’t locate any. He’s conscious, at least. 

Luke fixes her with a glare. 

_I’ve hurt a professor._

_I’m going to be expelled._

_I’ll never be an Auror._

_I’m so fucked._

“I-I’m sorry,” Rey stutters, fear degrading every word, “I didn’t mean to—you pushed too far. You—“

“Leave,” Luke pulls away from her, “Now.”

Rey’s not sure how she finds the resilience to rise from the floor. If she were capable of being rational she might attribute it to the adrenaline rush.

She nearly runs out of the classroom in a breathless state. 

Her heart is beating faster than it ever has before. She can’t go back to the common room in this disposition. Her head feels too volatile. Her body is instructing her to protect herself. Give into the beast within. 

But it’s the memory of everything she holds dear that keeps her away. Rey doesn’t know what she’s capable of tonight. What if she blacks out again? What if she harms someone—Poe, Jyn, or any of her other roommates? 

It takes her a while to figure out she’s running in the direction of Chewie’s hut. She’s not astonished to learn that the person she trusts the most right now is Han Solo, though. In fact, even in her feral state of mind, it’s one of the few things that makes total sense. 

He’ll know what to do. He’ll help her. She knows wholeheartedly that he’d be on her side about all of this and he’d do his best to save her.

Han was right; she should’ve never agreed to these lessons. 

“—Phasma concurs, of course. There are subtler ways to make a case but this was an influential strategy—“ Rey hears Hux whining once again but she hardly processes what he’s saying.

Probably still bitching about the new schedule. 

Her throat starts to tighten again as her mind circles around the hell she’s living in. 

_Oh fucking kill me._

Rey’s not certain she can face Ren after what she’s done. Does he know that she’s crazy now? Will she sicken him? 

_I can’t take any more rejection._

She considers sprinting full speed ahead but the likelihood of her getting caught is too high. She’s out of alternatives, truly. The only thing she can do is swivel on her heels and prepare for the worst. 

Except her brain isn’t qualified to prepare anything. 

Rey looks like a deer caught in headlights when Hux and Ren finally turn the corner. Her forehead is coated in sweat and she feels imprisoned by her burgundy quarter sleeve sweater.

Somehow, she has the ability to feel remarkably insecure about her hair being down. Like Ren gives a damn. Like that’s the biggest issue she’s facing. 

Hux has the audacity to grin when he sees her like she’s the cherry topping to his perfect evening, the sick freak, “Going somewhere?” 

Rey’s surprised to find out she doesn’t have an answer. She stands frozen in front of them, unable to compose the simplest of lies. 

“I believe Miss Niima is coming from detention,” Ren speaks confidently after an awkward pause, telling Hux precisely what he wants to hear. Rey swallows as Ren’s dark eyes roam over her with unconcealed concern. 

Hux sneers, “Typical. Who did you serve with?”

Rey wants to whack Hux in the face but there’s a good chance she can get out of this particular situation if she plays along so she bites the bullet, “Professor Solo.”

“Very well.” 

“It still might do some good to confirm. As I recall, you once said Miss Niima’s talent is trouble,” Ren easily toys with Hux’s mind, twisting his colleague’s passion for power to suit his own needs. 

And right now, it’s obvious Ren wants to be alone with Rey. She doesn’t need the bond to comprehend him. It’s written all over his face—his distress, his fear. 

Distantly, she thinks of how Han’s going to react when Hux impedes his evening. Rey hopes he’s feeling fickle enough to knock out the Potion’s Master and sober enough to catch on to the fact she needs an assist. It’d surely be the apex of her miserable life. 

“Right,” Hux straightens his posture, feeding into the illusion that he’s significant, “Trouble, indeed. I’ll confirm this supposed detention with Professor Solo. Ren, escort Miss Niima back to Gryffindor Tower.”

Ren nods when Hux turns to him, “Will do.”

He signals for Rey to walk in front of him, a glisten of encouragement in his eyes. Rey takes a palliative breath and obeys. Hux makes a pretentious _humph_ sound then sets out on the path Rey would’ve taken. 

Ren’s hand settles on her lower back the second they turn the junction. It’s a pleasant gesture, but also his way of guiding her. The longer they walk in the opposite direction of Gryffindor Tower, the more apprehensive she gets. 

She hurt someone.

What if she hurts him? 

_My whole life is over._

They walk in utter silence until they’re standing in front of Ren’s quarters. Out of all the locations he could have taken her, this is probably the worst. He spells open the door, gently pushing her inside. 

Rey blinks. 

His study is phenomenally tidy. Ren would probably have a heart attack if he ever saw hers in it’s true glory when her roommates are swamped with exams and Jyn’s brewing a complicated potion. Disaster doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

She’s stunned by how modern his furniture tastes are compared to other professors—and by modern, she means muggle. Everything follows a sophisticated grayscale down to the shiny black leather couch in front of his fireplace. 

Truthfully, it shouldn’t matter but it's peaceful to focus on the dumber things. 

Ren steps into her field of vision. She can smell the soap on his skin, and his indisputable anguish, “What happened?”

_I lost control._

The impression of Luke Skywalker lying on the floor is burned into her mind. She’s trying to avoid it but her brain is insisting she face what she’s done. 

Her breathing picks up as she starts to panic again, “I think I’m going to be expelled.”

_Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god._

“Tell me what happened,” Ren reflexively cups her face between his massive hands to balance her. His eyes bore into hers, “Did Luke hurt you?”

She whimpers, “I won’t ever be an Auror.”

“Rey,” Her name tumbles from his lips and takes the form of a soft plea, “I promise you won’t be expelled.”

“You can’t know that—“ Rey pulls away from him until her back is pressed against his cold door. She runs a nervous hand through her hair, “I’m crazy. Just like everyone thinks. I’m absolutely—“

“You’re in shock,” Ren observes and he’s probably right. 

“I hurt him,” Rey confesses. Her eyes sting but she refuses to cry, “I hurt Professor Skywalker. Leia’s going to expel me—I hurt her brother.”

An unusual expression crosses his face, “You call her Leia?”

“I-well, sometimes,” Rey creases her brows, confused why out of all the things she’s saying, he would care about her simple act of informality, “That’s hardly the point.” 

“She won’t expel you,” Ren starts walking further into his study until he is standing in front of an ancient stone fireplace. He wordlessly kindles a fire.

His atypical sense of serenity is aggravating her dwindling sanity. She can scarcely breathe correctly but he’s emulating the qualities of stone—steady and tough in the face of anything. 

She’s never had someone be everything she needs before. It’s a little unnerving. Her voice involuntarily catches, “I’m not sure you’re hearing me when I say I _hurt_ him.”

“I’m _sure_ you had good reason,” Ren darkly mutters under his breath. She’s convinced she wasn’t meant to hear the sentiment but it’s arduous to ignore his obvious disdain. 

Ren stares down at the fire, hands stuffed in the pockets of his expensive black pants. Her skin colors with the knowledge that she’s not meant to be here. She shouldn’t be watching him with inappropriately greedy eyes, not at a time like this. But he’s fascinating.

She’s falling apart at the seams but _he’s absolutely beautiful._ Her pure determination is the only thing preventing an embarrassing onslaught of jelly legs. He’s so tall and this newfound protective streak is enthralling. 

He doesn’t face her when he asks, “Are you cold? Do you need anything?”

Rey stupidly shakes her head _no_ as if he can see her. 

_Why are you thinking about him? You should be thinking about how you snapped. You hurt someone. Whose to say you won’t do it to Ren?_

Her heart nearly quits when he peers over his shoulder at her. Ren’s eyes change as he observes something he apparently doesn’t like. Within an instant, he’s occupying her personal space and dragging her to the edge of his couch, “Sit. Breathe. You’re safe with me.”

It’s hard not to follow his lead when he’s speaking so earnestly, even if it is in her nature to challenge anyone and everything. Rey settles, delighted to discover the leather couch is more comfortable than it appears. 

Ren pushes her hair behind her ears so he can properly see her face, “You’re safe with me, Rey. Always.”

“I’m scared,” Rey confides like a frightened child. 

_Of myself. I’m scared of myself._

Ren sits on his coffee table instead of joining her on the couch. She can’t deny the pang of disappointment that coils at the base of her spine. Her mind and body are demanding more of him. As much as she can get. 

The bond is blazing with their proximity, so much so some of Ren’s emotions are leaking out. She can sense his concern and authenticity. He means everything. 

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what happened, sweetheart.”

It should be a fucking crime for him to be so charming. How is she ever meant to get him out of her head now?

Rey can't pinpoint when she decides to trust him, but it feels so conventional to admit her sins to him, “We were having a lesson—it was just a normal lesson. But then, I don’t know...things got out of hand. It was probably an accident.”

He doesn’t lose his sweet tone, but she can perceive his annoyance underneath the veil as if it’s her own, “You don’t believe that.”

He’s upset. But not at her. 

Never at her. 

Rey stares down at the toes of her boots. Logically, she knows Professor Skywalker transgressed her mind tonight. He didn’t warn her before he entered. He riffled through her private thoughts. Luke did something wrong no matter how badly she wants to deny it or shoulder the blame. 

“He may have been searching for something.”

“Me,” Ren states with undeniable certainty. Rey can’t meet his eyes. 

She can’t confidently say that Ren was Luke’s mark. It’s not like he disclosed his master plan or gave her much to go on before he evicted her from the classroom. 

She whispers, “I don’t know.” 

“Yes, you do,” Ren’s voice rises as bitterness splashes against his mental shields like trepid waves. 

“I don’t have any proof,” Rey’s rebuttal comes out as an inappropriate, delirious giggle. There isn’t any tangible evidence that makes her innocent or Professor Skywalker culpable, “Either way I blacked out and I hurt him. That makes me dangerous.” 

“I won’t let anyone hurt you,” His conviction is almost enough to tempt gooseflesh. Ren reaches out, taking her hand in his so she can truly understand how serious he is, “Professor Organa will listen to me on the issue and if she doesn’t for some unrealistic reason, the board will and that’s _if_ Luke doesn’t shroud behind cowardice.”

“No offense, but why would she care what you have to say?” Rey’s head is spinning as the bond reaches new pinnacles under the influence of his touch. She wants to know why he’s so _sure_ that he can sway the mind of the headmistress in his favor. 

He doesn’t have much stature as a first-year instructor. 

Ren shifts uncomfortably but doesn’t release her hand, “Because she’s my mother.”

 _He’s telling the truth._ Belatedly she realizes, _he’s opening up to me._

“What?” Rey’s mouth feels dry as she samples the new information. He's not lying, but it doesn't make sense. What he’s saying challenges everything she knows about her mentors, “You can’t—but she…”

_She’s never mentioned a son before._

“We haven’t had a good relationship since I stopped training to be an Auror nearly a decade ago,” He looks down at their joined hands with a bit of wry amusement, “A dropout son isn’t much to brag about.” 

“Oh…”

She’s not sure how she can know someone so well, but not know anything about them. A billion micro-details make up who he is and she’s not privy to any of them. 

Except for his soul. 

“The turnover rate is astronomical for the Defense position,” Ren shrugs as if the principle of job security doesn’t phase him, “She called this a favor...and I wasn’t able to refuse.”

“I’m confused. Luke said—he said he didn’t know you,” The realization that her instructor lied to her the first day of their training doesn’t sit well. She's given so much away during their sessions only to learn that Kylo Ren is his nephew like this, “Why would he do this?”

“My family is painstakingly complicated.”

Rey snorts at his oversimplification, igniting one of his patented grimaces. She rolls her eyes, “You’re not the only one with a complicated family, you know?” 

“Ah, the Palpatine bloodline,” Ren muses as he leisurely toys with her fingers, “I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting your grandfather but I’ve heard a thing or two. Some whispers.”

“We’re all insane,” Rey flatly verifies. There’s a comical glimmer in her eyes that has more to do with his desire to touch her than the topic of her family, “Tonight’s a grand example.” 

“It’s okay to feel,” Ren murmurs, lining the palms of their hands together to appraise the size difference. He lowly chuckles at the sight, “There’s nothing wrong with anger. It’s informative. Educational, even.”

“That sounds like dark wizard teachings.”

“You must know by now there’s no such thing as outright light and dark magic. It’s all shades of gray.” Ren says with that same intoxicating sense of confidence. He tilts his head to the side as he measures her reaction. 

“I think Hogwarts’ curriculum has neglected that particular notion,” Rey openly teases although she’s inclined to agree with him. Her education has been well rounded enough that she can form opinions outside of accepted courses. Still, she wants to keep him talking as long as possible, “There are _unforgivable_ curses.” 

He presents a classic, if not overused, argument, “But if you use one as a last measure of defense, does that make you evil?” 

“I can see why you decided against being an Auror. It’s black and white ideology with them.”

Ren humorously narrows his eyes. Rey can concede that she’s not exactly sold on the black and white lifestyle that’s been shoved down their throats. It’s impossible to be once you’re taught to question everything. At the end of the day, she has to believe that the system works, though. That _good_ prevails more than evil. 

That the higher powers _know_ what they’re doing and how to balance the chaos.

“There are many noble things about being an Auror,” Ren softly declares, mirth still lingering in the way he cards their fingers together, “I wasn’t in it for the right reasons. You’re different from me. Good.” 

Rey doesn’t like the direction their conversation is going so she quickly segues down a different route, “And you don’t expect to be here next term?”

“I’m considering a life in politics, actually. I have some connections with a few private interest groups,” She can see the shadow of a frown resting at the corner of his mouth, “It’s all very boring.”

“You don’t strike me as a politician,” Rey bites the inside of her cheek to stop herself from boasting her opinions on politicians. 

She can’t see him assuming the same facade her grandfather’s lived in all these years. Uptight and full of falsehood. Politics have a way of wringing out someone’s morality. 

“Not jaded enough?” Ren easily quips, breaking off into a self-deprecating laugh. She can’t help but smile at the sound even if it's tainted. 

The tension she was previously carrying is dwindling under his steady attention. It seems that he’s lulled her into a better mood. She’s aware enough to recognize it probably has something to do with their physical touch. She could spend the rest of her life touching him. That is, if he stops pretending she’s a plague.

“Where do we go from here?” Rey doesn’t like that she sounds so hopeful. Nothing in her life has ever been afforded the luxury of hope, but right now, with him, she finds that it’s all she can focus on, “When I leave this room, will you go back to pretending I don’t exist?” 

_Please don’t._

His hand stiffens around hers, “You don’t want me in your head.”

“You think mine’s a walk in the park?” Anger quickly floods her mind, almost as if it’s second nature, “I miss you. I don’t care if you think none of it was real.”

“There’s a difference between our dreams and our individual realities,” Ren’s not speaking with his earlier confidence, “I don’t want to disappoint you and I’m afraid that’s all I have to offer.”

“I only want you to be with me,” Rey’s shocked by how much she means it, “The only way you could disappoint me is continuing down this path of resistance _._ ”

He doesn’t say anything. 

“I should go.” Rey untangles their hands and begins to stand. She thought she couldn’t take anymore rejection, but it seems the repeated nature of it has lessened the blow. Or, perhaps, after today’s events, she’s just numb. 

“No,” Ren’s voice breaks, “Stay.”

Rey clenches her jaw, stepping past his long legs so she can leave with her pride, “It’s getting late and you need to finish rounds, Professor.” 

“Rey—“

“No!” 

It’s a horribly breathy exclamation fueled by her exhaustion. 

“Your natural defenses are down. If something happens to you, I’d...I couldn’t bear it,” Ren reasons and she can’t deny that he’s making _some_ sense. Rey suspects that he’s not solely concerned with her state of mind, though, which is why he’s being so insistent, “Stay.”

Rey doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Especially not him. He reaches out for her hand again, freely pouring sincerity into the bond. 

She nods like the fool she has always been.

“I’ll finish rounds,” Ren’s mood perks up, but it soon gives way to nervousness, “You, uh, make yourself comfortable. I’ve got snacks in the kitchenette.” 

_Snacks._

_We’re talking about snacks now._

Rey awkwardly shifts her weight, adjusting to the emotional whiplash, “Okay.”

Ren rises to his full height. Rey has to stop herself from visibly swallowing when he takes a step closer to her. He glances down at her with hard eyes, “You’re only 17–“

She can barely think properly so she utters the only thing on her mind, “I’ll be 18 in four days.”

Ren sucks in a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose with an amused huff, “Jesus Christ, you’re difficult.”

_You have no idea._

She’s partially relieved when he finally steps around her towards the door. His presence is entirely too overwhelming, especially to her haywire animalistic parts. How the hell is she supposed to make it through this unsanctioned, poorly thought out sleepover?

Rey knows what she’d like to do tonight. Him, really, although experience is entirely out of her wheelhouse. Her age comes to mind again.

“It’s a fact,” Rey throws herself back on the couch, trying to appear casual when she’s absolutely freaking out, “I’m not a child.”

“You’re still my student.”

She playfully admonishes, “You can do better than that.”

_Where did that come from?_

Rey can tell he’s trying not to smirk at her sassy remark, “Be here when I get back. I’ve heard a few rumors about your knack for sneaking out.”

“All dirty lies,” Rey innocently assures, “Don’t strain yourself trying to think of a reason we shouldn’t do this.”

He opens his mouth to respond but he must not have a sensible answer because it never comes out. Ren gives her a tight smile then walks out of his quarters without another word. 

It takes her all of three very long seconds before she gets bored—or whatever the word is when someone is _bored_ because they’re actively avoiding their inner demons. 

Rey trails her fingers along the spines of ancient texts with hard to pronounce titles on his large bookshelf. She already knew he was an avid reader. Seeing all of his books strewn everywhere gives her a sense of hope.

He’s not a _complete_ stranger. 

Her finger lands on a vibrant red book without a title tucked between _Finite Numerology_ and _Grindylows: A Misunderstood Creature._ There’s a black symbol on the spine that resembles a welding bolt—and really, it’s familiar but she doesn’t know why or how. 

Maybe she’s seen something similar in her grandfather’s library. He’s also an established collector of rare texts. 

Rey sighs, running her fingers through her hair and heads towards the kitchenette. Just as she suspected, Ren doesn’t have any good food. She appreciates things that rot your teeth at an alarming rate. Apparently, her bondmate prefers wheat-based Cheeri Owls and, Merlin help him, oatmeal raisin cookies. 

No wonder he’s so... _fit._

She rolls her eyes, continuing her self-guided tour. There’s a stack of graded essays with a few noticeable names on them. All fifth years. And it seems they’re highly incompetent. _“An insult to the very institution of magic”_ —apparently _._

“Ouch,” Rey whistles, but then reads the absolutely absurd thesis statement offered up by a Ravenclaw no less, “Ugh, he’s right.”

There’s a barely used quidditch book lying underneath a stack of ungraded essays. Although Ren has the figure for it, she’s never pegged him for the organized sports type. But, then again, she’s got a little insight about Ren’s family. Han Solo is either his father or step-father.

Truthfully she's leaning towards father given their shared physical characteristics. Rey feels like a bloody idiot for not recognizing it sooner. Her only doubt is rested in the fact that Ren’s not using Han’s surname.

Regardless, she’s interested in whatever _Quidditch Through the Ages, Volume 12_ has to offer. Han gifted her _Volume 11_ last Christmas but this one has recent stats in it. Rey returns to the couch with her find and begins to read until a thin paragraph describing the importance of broom symmetry amongst teammates starts to distort. 

A minute later, she’s asleep. 

Barely any time passes before she’s being hoisted into the air by a pair of strong arms. Rey’s half-convinced it’s a dream. A wonderful, lovely dream. All too soon, she’s inhaling his captivating scent from a pillowcase. She sleepily rubs her face against the fabric, nearly purring with pleasure.

But she remembers herself before her throat starts vibrating. Rey slowly opens her eyes to find him joining her on his side of the bed. Well, it’s his bed so technically he owns all sides, but everything in her has claimed this spot. 

Her spot. Just hers.

Ren’s wearing a pair of conservative pajamas, but he doesn’t look any less appetizing. He quietly scolds, “Go back to sleep.”

And truly she plans to say something, maybe even an order of her own, but she easily drifts back to sleep with a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I wanted to have this chapter up way sooner than now but life happened! Despite the wait, I hope you enjoyed all the twists and turns. 
> 
> THE PLOT THICKENS. 
> 
> And things get a little warmer between Rey and Kylo. ❤️
> 
> Luke isn’t a bad guy, he just did a bad thing. That’s the bread and butter of it. People died in a bombing and he suspects Ren has vital information. He did the only thing he could think of to find out. 
> 
> Tell me your thoughts in the comments below! I’ll try to get back to you as soon as possible on any questions. I did lag a bit this week and I’m sorry. Hopefully this makes up for it 😭❤️
> 
> X,
> 
> Norvina 
> 
> P.S. Follow me on Tik Tok at @dumbsithqueen :)


	12. Chapter 12

Rey doesn’t dream. But even so, she feels like something glorious is being interrupted when an unfamiliar clock disturbs her sleep. Her eyelashes flutter but she doesn’t fully wake—  _ more,  _ her mind and body plead but she’s beyond understanding at the moment. 

The clock stops. 

A confused haze washes over her as consciousness slowly seeps into her being. 

_ It’s the silence,  _ instinct supplies—no one is fighting over dress code violations, used makeup or the morality of revenge schemes. When she softly inhales she doesn’t smell overpowering layers of perfumes and body lotions. 

Actually, she’s met with a rather heady scent that makes her insides curl with sheer delight. Far better than whatever bastardized cookie-related products her roommates usually spritz. 

Rey’s awareness returns with a frightened jolt. Wherever she is she’s trapped. A ragged breath hisses through her teeth. Then she realizes that she’s being held. And not by just anyone—no, Kylo Ren  _ is holding her.  _

Tightly. 

Ren’s unfathomably huge, especially compared to her. She’s never felt so unbalanced and secure next to someone before—and in his arms. Merlin, she’s in his arms. 

She’s vaguely worried he’ll snap her right in half but something tells her being broken in two wouldn’t be nearly as awful as his casually cruel demeanor since the term started. Hell, she might even like it if it means being closer to him. 

Rey scans his simplistic bedroom as she contemplates her current position. Flashes of last night darken her mood. She  _ hurt  _ someone. It’s hard to enjoy the moment with  _ that  _ hanging over her head. Still, if this is her last morning as a Hogwarts student she’s pleased with it.

Against her wishes the clock starts chiming again. 

“Oi, shut it you stup—oh,” Rey freezes as Ren buries his face in her tangled hair. He makes a low noise in the back of his throat that she’d label as a purr if she didn’t know how ridiculous that sounds. 

He stops rather suddenly.

“Er—Good morning,” Ren breathes against her hair, pulling back in an attempt to be decent. Because, yes, even if this is what her brain  _ wants  _ this is still very much indecent. 

Far beyond anything she’s ever experienced. 

Rey imagines his cheeks are tinted a soft pink due to their proximity. She knows hers are. 

“Morning,” Rey squeaks, wholly embarrassed by her unusually shy demeanor. The last thing she wants to do is come off as childish. She’s not a little kid. This is what she wants. It’s what she’s always wanted. 

Ren separates himself from her with calculated leisure. The clock begins to sing louder. She’s starting to think it’s spelled to cause immense discomfort, or at least to ruin pleasant moments. No wonder he’s always in a terrible mood when he’s teaching.

_ Ugh, when he’s teaching.  _

_ He’s your  _ teacher,  _ idiot _ . 

Rey swallows down the fantasy of it all. He didn’t exactly give her a reason to feel joyous last night. Ren’s still unsure and she’s still  _ broken.  _

_ You hurt someone last night.  _

_ You’re only here because he pities you.  _

“I need to get ready for class,” Rey monotonously comments, already surrendering to her dreary mood. This could be her last morning waking up at Hogwarts. What if she gets expelled?

“As do I,” Ren contentedly hums. It’s an odd sort of sound coming from him. 

Rey can’t help but crack a small smile despite her tumultuous thoughts, “Tell me you have some grand plan to sneak me out of here.”

She needs to leave before she ruins the moment. Preferably unseen by any of her peers. 

“Actually, I do.”

Rey can hear his grin—at least she thinks she can— and for a moment she lets herself think it’s because of her. Perhaps he’s a morning person and the exhaustive nature of teaching a bunch of half-wits makes him a certified grump.    
The mattress creaks as he eases out of bed. Rey rolls towards the warm spot he just abandoned, stretching and sighing with satisfaction. She follows his efforts to locate something with sleepy eyes. 

“A cloak?” Rey asks with a frown. The silvery fabric is lovely, sure, but it’s not going to help her in broad daylight. 

He tsks like the impossible hard ass that he is, “Now, Miss Niima, you’re supposed to be top of your class.”   
She rolls her eyes, “I’m definitely not.”

_ Am I? _

“This,” Ren smooths out the cloak with his fingers. It gleams in the dim light of his room like the prettiest jewel, “is an invisibility cloak.”

Her jaw slackens. 

_ An invisibility cloak? Holy fuck.  _

Her eyes shine with a mixture of mischevous want and utter amazement, “How in the fuck did you get it?”

Ren raises an eyebrow, “How can someone so tiny have such a filthy mouth?” 

Her knees do a funny thing that she’s only read about in trashy muggle novels between shifts at work. Really, he shouldn’t have this much unwitting control over her body—assuming he doesn’t know  _ exactly  _ what he’s doing. 

“Uh,” She furrows her brow, trying to sound reasonable. Trying her best to sound mature,“Those are incredibly rare. How did you come by it?”

“A family heirloom of sorts,” His lips twist into a frown that lasts less than a second. If she would have blinked, she’d have missed it. Ren carefully extends the cloak to her, “Think of it as a loan.”

Rey doesn’t dare reach out for it.

“You’re going to let me borrow it?”

He urges her to take it by moving a step closer to the bed, “Temporarily. If—well—I’ll need some way to see you, Miss Niima. If that’s alright with you, of course.”

The cloak’s material feels luxurious against her fingertips, “More than alright.”

“But Rey...don’t do anything dangerous with it.”

Awed, she quietly murmurs, “I’ll keep it safe.”

Ren’s fingers tighten on the small piece of fabric he’s still got a hold on. Rey’s head snaps to attention only to meet his burning gaze, “I’m more worried about  _ you. _ ”

“Oh.”

-x- 

By the time Rey completes three grueling laps around the quidditch pitch, she’s reached one indisputable conclusion about the ever-intoxicating Professor Ren; he’s bonkers. 

Has to be. 

And not because he lent her an invisibility cloak (although that’s a beaming piece of evidence in itself—despite being pragmatic under a certain lens). She’s basing her entire argument on the fact that he  _ wants to see  _ her again...in a context that would require an invisibility cloak. 

_ See _ . He’s absolutely, unequivocally  _ mad.  _

Even the notion that something debauched is brewing under the surface has her face burning. Perhaps she’s playing into her rampant fantasies too much. Maybe he doesn’t mean a thing by it. 

But maybe he does and that’s got her feeling feverish. 

Rey’s supposed to be in Charms. Really, she’s a burden to the house of Gryffindor for not going. But she was scared. Fearful. And somehow coming to the pitch seemed like the best way to prolong the inevitable. It’s safe to say she’s reached a new level of cowardice.

Her thoughts shift away from her ill-advised feelings for Ren to the larger situation at play. 

She could be facing expulsion from Hogwarts. 

Without a doubt her grandfather would be furious after so many years micromanaging her education. The infamous Sheev Palpatine would find a way to spin it, of course. What type of politician would he be if he didn’t claim some type of deeper conspiracy to it all? 

Their family’s reputation is tarnished enough due to a handful of cousins and associates. The last thing he would stand for is the truth. 

That his granddaughter, his only heir, is certifiably insane. 

Her entire life would be over. Her name would be scrawled down as another mentally unstable witch. Of course she could probably get her job back at the diner and live a meager muggle life but that almost seems cruel now. 

Things were just starting to feel  _ okay.  _

Her eyes start to water despite the drying wind smacking her face. She decides to call it a day, not really aware of how much time has passed since she first ditched class. 

Rey had to gather her broomstick and change out of her skirt before she could come out here. Then she had to take the long way to the pitch to avoid detention-happy professors, namely Hux and Phasma. 

Her thighs are sore when she dismounts. It’s easy to diagnose the cause—she’s too tense, even now as she stands in her church. Rey quickly assesses her broom’s condition instead of facing reality. 

It could go for some maintenance but she’s been excruciatingly busy. She tempted to break out the entire kit but—

A low whistle derails her thoughts. Her head snaps up to find Han Solo with his hands shoved into the pockets a good bit away. He yells,“Knew I’d find you out here, kid!”

The ghost of his notorious crooked grin is etched in the fine lines of his face. They become more distinct as she makes her way across the field. A part of her thinks they’re more noticeable because she  _ knows  _ he has a son, now. An adult son. 

He casts her a concerned once over when she’s close enough for him to see without squinting. Rey’s footsteps halt.  _ Of course he knows,  _ she thinks,  _ he’s here to deliver the bad news.  _ She clenches her jaw to ease the sudden burn in her throat. 

“Rey—” 

“I-I didn’t mean to hurt him,” Rey lowers her head so Han won’t see her silly emotions, “Truly.”

“I know that,” Han says with an almost inconceivable amount of sensitivity, “Hell, I don’t blame you. Someone breaks into my mind like that I woulda done worse than stupefied ‘em. Leia will have his ass when she returns.”

“He told you the truth?”

Rey hates Luke for destroying the idealistic life she’s lived in for the past six years. There was a time when she would never have asked. Professor Skywalker has been a figure in her life since she could properly think. Two days ago she would have said he was the most trustworthy person she knew next to Leia. 

But he ruined it. 

Plus there’s the Kylo Ren of it all. 

Rey scrutinizes Han with fresh eyes. They do look alike—him and Ren. Their faces take the shame shape. They have very similar noses. She should’ve realized sooner. 

Han continues, “He’s ashamed. Lost control. Shoulda never happened, I know, but Luke lost friends in the attack. And Ben—”

“Ben,” Rey tastes the name and it reminds her of Dragon Barrel Brandy. Perfect, but something to be savored in small amounts. 

_ He’s definitely changed his name,  _ Rey concludes, pleased with the confirmation of her suspicions. 

Professor Solo narrows his eyes, gauging her small reaction, “Slip of tongue.” 

“Right,” Rey gives him a pass despite all the questions brewing in her stomach. She wants to know everything down to the reasons Ren’s dismissed his family name. Han would probably spill the beans, too, even though he’s not much of a talker. 

It just doesn’t feel ethical. Ren’s part of her. They should be able to share their secrets with one another. She’s willing to be patient with him. 

She’s willing to let their bond grow. 

Rey takes a deep breath, “I’m quitting my lessons.”

Han doesn’t hesitate, “Good.”

-x- 

Rey feeds a piece of parchment into the fireplace as she studies in the common room. For some reason she can’t find the right words for her Defense essay. Apparently she’s developed a perfectionist streak. 

“Is the chapter that difficult?” Poe’s eyes widen when she writes a sentence, huffs, and restarts the whole process. He’s been lounging on the couch this whole time, smiling at people trampling through the room without a care in the world. 

She bites the inside of her cheek, “No, I just can’t afford to fail, you know?”

“He’s a real ass,” Poe hums, shifting his body weight to better face her, “What did you get on the last one?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Rey frowns as she reopens her Defense book. 

Poe makes a low sound, “Yikes. That bad?”

A few minutes later she’s making  _ decent  _ progress. Well, she allows herself to believe  _ that _ each time she starts anew and then she rereads what she wrote and finds that it’s utterly lacking. All she wants to do right now is impress him. 

And maybe prove that she’s wise beyond her years since he cares so much about her age. Given, she thinks it’s just an excuse that he throws out because he’s scared of the future but she doesn’t have any substantial proof and won’t until her birthday. 

That’s a whole new delusion she’s subscribing to for now. 

Tallie walks into the common room smelling like the owlery. It’s not particularly obvious to everyone else but Rey catches Poe wrinkling his nose as well. 

Damn heightened senses. 

Rey knows that Tallie only frequents the owlery when she’s hot on a story. It’s not surprising that she would be hanging around the joint due to the recent attack. Rey’s happy for her, truly, she just wishes there was a way to minimize the stench. 

After flashing Tallie a convincing smile, Rey bends her head to read her numerous annotations scrawled in the margins of her textbook. 

Her nose begins to itch as time passes, and then Tallie is standing right in front of her.  _ Great.  _

“Niima, I, uh—” Tallie casts a worried glance towards a very curious Poe. They usually get along quite well but Tallie almost seems peeved by his presence, “A word?

The text on the page blurs as her heartbeat quickens. Rey looks up at the girl to search her face for any clues about what’s going on. On the outside, she looks composed but there’s a battle brewing in her mind. Unfortunately Tallie’s not giving anything away. 

Rey nods. 

The rest of her movements are robotic. She gathers her scattered things, bids farewell to Poe with a false smile, and follows Tallie up the stairs towards their dorm. 

It’s empty when they step through. Rey’s got a feeling it won’t be for long. 

Her eyes search for something in the room but she doesn’t know what. She ends up facing Tallie, barely breathing a proper breath out of fear. 

She just knows something awful has happened. What if there’s been another attack? What if someone saw her with Ren? What if something happened to Leia—

“A friend at the  _ Prophet _ gave me a heads up because I mentioned we were friends over the summer,” Rey can’t help but feel a little shocked by Tallie’s admission.  _ Friends.  _ How odd. “They’re running a story about your grandfather tomorrow.”

Rey visibly relaxes, releasing a soft laugh, “I appreciate the notice, Tallie, but my grandfather is in the paper at least once a month.”

She turns her back to her roommate—no, her  _ friend— _ and starts to unbutton her white dress shirt. After the day she’s had she wants nothing more than to throw on a t-shirt and pass out.

“No, listen,” Tallie grabs Rey’s arm, halting her hands, “I don’t know the validity of it all...but they’re saying your grandfather killed your parents, Rey. I’m so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,
> 
> It feels like I’m crawling out from under a rock. I’ve been updating this chapter little by little and it’s finally finished. 
> 
> Like I said a few months ago, my boyfriend suddenly died. I took a three month long vacation to figure out where to go from there and it was really enlightening. I fell in love with Reylo and started this fic.
> 
> But when I moved back home and had to face the life I left behind things got harder. I wasn’t in shock anymore and I had to accept what happened and that things wouldn’t be the same. I’m also finishing my last semester of college and it’s realllllly time consuming. 
> 
> Long story short, I’m back. Updates might be slow but I haven’t given up on this story or any of my other ones. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comment below your thoughts, predictions, questions, etc.
> 
> 🤍 Norvina


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